


Clue [Sanders Sides AU]

by MeMyselfandI2008



Category: Clue (1985), Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Attempt at Humor, Attempted Murder, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Gen, Murder, Murder Mystery, Non-Graphic Violence, Non-graphic Murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-21 14:05:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21076106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeMyselfandI2008/pseuds/MeMyselfandI2008
Summary: Our story begins at a dinner party hosted by a mysterious individual, simply referred to as Joan, where they admit to blackmailing their visitors. The guests, who have been given aliases, are Mr. Anxious, Princey, Mr. Brain, Professor Demented, Snake, and Col. Heart.  When Joan turns up murdered, all are suspects, and together they try to figure out who the killer is.





	1. We Meet in the Mansion

Thomas eyed the mansion that rested on top of the hill. Any other day, being lit up by the bright sun, it would have looked absolutely stunning, but given the subject matter he would be dealing with tonight, it seemed only natural for the weather to set the proper mood.

Clouds pooled in the sky, wind tossed itself through the trees, blowing stray leafs to and fro. The full moon sat high in the sky, being one of the only things to illuminate the dark driveway as Thomas drove up the swirling hill.

He quickly parked his car in the driveway and stepped out, umbrella, coat and brown paper bag in hand. His ears were immediately met with the sound of barking dogs, their chains scrapping against the ground. He kept his gaze on them as he briefly adjusted his hold on his belongings, dread settling into his stomach the longer he stared.

As he began his walk to the door, the dogs ran up to him, barks ringing out into the, otherwise, quiet night, "No!" Thomas snapped, tossing his coat at them as a means of distraction. The two dogs eagerly began to gnaw on the fabric, unaware of Thomas pulling out a set of bones. He threw them beside the dog house that sat a few feet away, watching the big mutts go after their treats.

Once he was sure the dogs were settled, he tossed the, now crumpled, paper bag to the floor and walked over to the chains keeping the dogs in place, adjusting them so the pair could go a shorter distance—He did have guests coming over after all, and the last thing he wanted was for one of them to be attacked by guard dogs.

He grabbed his coat that only sustained minor damage, and began his walk inside, only to pause and take note that he had stepped in something during his encounter with the canines. He shot the two a quick glance before continuing onward, scrapping his shoe clean before entering the house.

_Shake, Rattle and Roll _was softly playing from one of the rooms in the mansion, possibly Remy's doing, if Thomas had to guess. He stored his coat and umbrella in a nearby closet and turned back to firmly shut the front door.

_[New England, 1954]_

Thomas walked over to the dining room, checking to see if everything was orderly—which it was. He then followed the sound of the music, discovering Remy bouncing allowing to it, while he polished a wine glass with a rag.

The music was swiftly shut off by Thomas, to Remy's disappointment, "Is everything ready?" he asked, turning his gaze to the other butler, who had a small pout on his face.

"I was listening to that, you know," he muttered bitterly, "But yeah, everything is ready," he huffed, pausing his glass polishing to look up at Thomas.

"You have your instructions?"

Remy simply nodded, blinking several times and sniffing the air, "Did you step in—?" he didn't even get the question out before Thomas was already out of the room. He shook his head, returning to the glass he was working on, "He totally did..." he quietly muttered.

\+ 

Muffled voices could be heard form the kitchen as Thomas went to check on Camden, who was currently prepping dinner for the guests.

"Everything alright, Camden?" Thomas asked as he stepped into the kitchen.

"Yep," the cook replied, turning to flash Thomas a small smile, "Dinner should be ready at 7:30," he chirped.

_DING, DING, DING,_ the doorbell chimed.

Thomas quickly made his way to the front door, opening it to find a very excited man standing before him, who was doing his best to not look extremely terrified. Thomas assumed he was sacred of the dogs, but in actuality, the man had seen a spider crawling across the floor a few seconds prior to Thomas' arrival.

"Good evening," Thomas greeted, flashing his best smile.

"Hi!" the man chirped, gaze uncertain, "I don't know if—"

"Yes, indeed, sir, you are expected, Colonel," Thomas quickly cut in, stepping aside to allow the man in, "May I take your coat?" he asked, "It is Colonel Heart isn't it?"

"Oh, no, that's not my name," Col. Heart corrected, shrugging off his coat, "My name is P—"

Once again, Thomas cut him short of speaking, "Forgive me, sir," he held up his hand to signal Heart to stop, "But tonight, everyone will be using an alias, rather than their real name, as instructed in the letters," he explained, taking the coat offered to him and shutting the front door.

Heart hummed thoughtfully, briefly sniffing the air and glancing at the bottom of his shoes to see if he had stepped in something.

Thomas hung up the coat and began to lead Heart into the library.

"What's your name, if you don't mind me asking?" Heart inquired, briefly adjusting his glasses.

"I'm Thomas, the butler," he replied simply, "Remy," he called as he opened the door to the library, "Could you attend to the Colonel and give him anything he'd like, within reason."

Remy glanced up from pouring alcohol into various glasses, eyeing the new face that practically radiated sunshine, "Yeah, sure, hon," he replied just as the butler exited the room.

"Oh! Thomas, I was..." Heart trailed off as he turned around, finding that the door had already been closed. He helplessly patted at the door that resembled the various bookshelves lining the wall, almost as if he hadn't understood what just happened.

+

The doorbell chimed once again, signaling to everyone that another guest had arrived.

Thomas was quick to open the door, "Do come in, mister," he quickly stated, offering the same smile he had to Col. Heart, "You're expected."

"Do you know who I am?" the man before him asked, eyebrow raised.

"Only that you are to be known as Snake," Thomas replied, stepping aside to allow him into the mansion.

"Yes, it said so in the letter," Snake noted, pulling off his coat, "But why?"

Thomas didn't answer as he took the coat, placing it with the others.

Snake sniffed the air and briefly checked his shoes, finding nothing on them.

+

Remy handed off a glass of wine to Col. Heart, who was quickly shoved into the wall by the door suddenly being open, "Ah, may I introduce you?" Thomas chimed as he entered the room, Snake by his side, "Snake, this is Remy, the other butler," he explained, turning to face the guest and gesturing to Remy.

Snake couldn't help but shift his gaze, holding back a flinch. Remy simply gave a blank expression, unsure of what else he could say to the too familiar face.

"I see you know each other," Thomas commented, a hint of amusement in his tone.

Snake nonchalantly stepped away from Remy, walking over to Heart, who had managed to slip out from between the wall and the door, "Hello," he quietly greeted.

"Hello," Heart replied, offering the stranger a small smile.

+

"This party better be worth it," a man in a poorly fitted suit muttered as he drove down the dark path, "I mean, seriously, how can you even stand wearing these things?" he asked his brother, who was seated beside him.

"Simple," the younger one of the pair replied, glancing over the slip of paper that read out directions to their dinner date, "I have class."

The older brother huffed, turning on the windshield wipers as the rain slowly began to pick up it's pace towards the ground, "Just leave out the first two letters, and I think that would describe you perfectly," he joked, loosening his tie that still felt too tight.

"If anyone is the ass in this car, it's you!" the younger snapped, shooting a hard glare at his twin, "You're lucky we're not going to be late!"

"Hey, it's not _my _fault that we nearly ran out of gas—"

"_Yes it is_, because I _specifically _reminded you to fill it up before we left the city! But did you listen? _No_!" the younger began to rant, earning an eye roll, and a quietly muttered, "Here we go again..." from his brother.

+

"And this is Mr. Anxious," Thomas informed as a dark haired man entered the library, a nervous air about him as he approached the other two guests.

"How do you do?" Col. Heart offered a warm smile to the nervous man.

"Hello," Snake stated simply.

"Remy," Thomas shifted his focus to the other staff member, "Will you go and check that dinner will be ready as soon as all the guests have arrived?" he asked, though it was more of an order.

As Remy made his way out of the room, a sway in his step, he handed off a drink to the new face, flashing a quick smirk, before leaving the room.

Mr. Anxious seemed a bit taken aback by the confidence that oozed off of the butler, quickly taking a small sip from his drink.

The doorbell chimed once more, signaling to Thomas that a new person had arrived.

+

The rain was falling harder than before, soaking the entire ground. A young man stood by the front door to the mansion, hands shoved deep in his pockets as he stared down the two dogs that growled at him from a short distance away.

A click that signaled the front door had opened earned the man's attention. He quickly turned to face a well dressed butler, "Is this the right address to meet Joan?" he found himself asking. He was very sure that it was, but you could never be too careful. For all he knew, he had taken a completely wrong turn down the road and ended up disrupting someone's night.

"Oh, you must be Mr. Brain," Thomas offered a grin.

"Yes," Brain replied quietly.

"_Sit_!" Thomas ordered, shooting a stern look towards the dogs.

Without a second thought, Brain immediately complied, taking a seat on the nearby bench.

"No, not you, sir," Thomas stated, somewhat baffled by the odd response Brain had.

"Oh..." he quietly breathed, slowly rising form his seat, hands still in his pockets, he entered the mansion through the open door, Thomas following behind him.

+

"And _another_ thing—"

"Would you just read the directions?" the older brother cut in, leaning forward and squinting, "I can barely see anything through this damn rain," he muttered in annoyance.

The younger twin sighed, briefly looking over the paper, before turning his focus to the road ahead, "It should be just off there," he stated, pointing in the direction he was referring to.

With one swift turn and a slow push on the breaks, the twins found themselves face to face with an ominous mansion atop a hill.

"That must be it," the older noted.

Thunder crackled in the distance, only briefly lighting up the mansion and it's surroundings.

"Why's the car stopped?"

"It's frightened," the older replied simply. Normally he'd be all on bored for the creepier things in life, but something about this mansion made his stomach twist with unease. It was a new and odd experience. He didn't like it.

"Aren't you usually into this sort of thing?" the younger inquired, raising an eyebrow curiously at his twin. It was strange seeing him in such a fearful state of mind, considering he was normally the needlessly reckless one.

Without another word, he removed his foot from the breaks and gently pressed on the gas, rolling the car forward, up the winding hill.

+

Remy handed off a glass of wine to Mr. Brain, who politely accepted, though he knew deep down he wasn't going to drink any of it. He had made it a point to monitor his alcohol intake when he's at any social gathering. He had to be his own designated driver.

Thunder crackled, once again, causing a sense of unease to fill the small room that everyone was gathered in.

What could await them on this fateful night, they all wondered.

+

Once the twins had arrived, the older was the first to step out into the rain, popping open the only umbrella they had brought, and quickly making his way over to the younger, opening the car door and handing off the umbrella to him.

"What about you?" the younger asked, eyeing his twin as if he were a mad man.

The older simply grinned, "A little rain never hurt anyone!" he chirped, rushing through the pouring water at a top speed, towards the front door, leaving his twin to slowly trail behind him, only mildly annoyed about the ruined suit that his brother now wore.

As soon as the two had arrived on the doorstep the front door opened, revealing a very confused butler, "Professor Demented, Princey," he exclaimed, "I didn't realize you were acquainted."

"We're siblings," Princey explained, offering a simple shrug, "Not many people know though."

"It's a very hush-hush matter," Prof. Demented tagged on as the two entered the mansion.

Thomas blinked several times, eyeing the two carefully. Demented was soaked from head to toe, his tie hung loose around his neck, shirt untucked, cloths at least a size too big for him, hair a mess. Meanwhile, Princey's suit was fitted perfectly, going untouched by a single raindrop and his hair styled in just the right way.

It really was hard to believe the two were even remotely related.

He took their coats, "If you wish to clean up—"

"Nah, I'm fine!" Demented quickly cut in, stretching out his arms, "Although, I should probably grab a towel," he quietly muttered, noting the puddle that started forming under his feet.

"Of course," Thomas gestured to the nearby restroom, "There's a restroom just over there."

Demented offered a quick thumbs up and shuffled over to the bathroom.

Princey shook his head, crossing his arms, "I apologize in advance about everything and anything he does in the near future," he sighed, an exasperated look in his eyes.

"Oh, it's perfectly fine," Thomas reassured, "I've heard about his odd personality."

Several seconds passed by, before Demented stepped out of the restroom, suit jacket discarded, pant legs rolled up to reveal his bare ankles, hair slicked back in a somewhat flattering manner.

"Right then," Thomas made his way to the library doors, Princey and Demented following right behind him as he opened them, "May I present Professor Demented and Princey," his voice cut through the silence of the room.

Remy was quick to approach the pair, handing off drinks to them. Princey flashed a quick smile. Remus offered grin to the other butler, downing the contents of his drink in one swift motion.

"Of course, since you've each been addressed by a pseudonym, you'll have realized that nobody here is being addressed by their real name," Thomas explained, gaze shifting between the various guests in the room.

_CLANG, CLANG, CLANG_

Anxious practically jumped out of his own skin, causing the contents of his untouched drink to spill onto the floor, some of it even landing on Brain.

"Ah, dinner," Thomas hummed, unaffected by the sudden noise that had filled the quiet room.

"I'm sorry..." Anxious muttered, face flushing in embarrassment, "I... I'm a bit accident prone," he quietly explained, pulling out a handkerchief from his pocket.

"Oh, it's quite all right," Brain reassured, taking the cloth offered to him, "Black isn't known to stain easily, anyhow," he explained, gently dabbing at the small spots of alcohol on his sleeve.

All the guests slowly followed Thomas to the dining room, pausing by the doorway, "You'll find your names beside your places," the butler explained, "Please be seated," he tagged on, stepping aside and allowing everyone to take their seats at the small table.

"Is this place for you?" Heart inquired, gesturing to the head of the table and turning his focus to Thomas.

"Oh, indeed, no sir," he quickly replied, offering a small smile, "I'm merely a humble butler."

"What exactly do you do?" Col. Heart asked, a curiousness in his gaze.

"I buttle, sir."

"Which means what?"

"The butler is head of the kitchen and dining room," Thomas explained, keeping his hands folded behind his back, "I keep everything tidy, that's all."

"Um," Mr. Anxious spoke up, voice quiet, "What's all this about?" he asked, taking a seat in his place at the table, "This dinner party," he couldn't help but fiddle with his sleeves, swallowing hard. He really wasn't sure why he had decided to accept the strange invitation he received in the mail only a week prior. Or rather, he did know why, but he still couldn't help feeling on edge being around so many different people.

"'Ours is not to reason why, ours is but to do and die,'" Thomas stated simply.

"Die?" Demented echoed, as he sat down beside Anxious.

"Merely quoting, sir, from Alfred, Lord Tennyson," Thomas explained.

"Hm," Heart still held a smile on his face, causing the various guests around him to wonder how someone could be so cheerful in such dreadful weather, "I prefer Kipling, myself!" he chimed in, "'The female of the species is more deadly than the male,'" he quoted, grabbing a plate of food that was on the table and handing it off to Princey, "Do you like Kipling, Princey?" he asked.

"Sure, I'll eat anything," Princey replied simply, taking a piece of food from the plate offered to him and quickly eating it.

Heart's smile still remained as he placed the plate back in it's rightful spot on the table.

"Shark's fin soup, monsieur," Remy spoke up as he entered the room, handing off a bowl to Anxious.

"So, is this for our host?" Heart couldn't help but ask, gesturing to the empty seat at the head of the table.

"No, sir," Thomas walked passed Anxious and Demented, a bottle of whiskey in hand, "For the seventh guest, Joan," he informed, pouring the liquid in Snake's cup.

"I thought Joan _was_ our host," Snake couldn't help but speak up, turning his focus to the butler that was now by his side.

"So did I," the other guests chimed in unison.

"So, who is our host, Mr. Thomas?" Snake inquired.

The question was only met with a small chuckle, Thomas' gaze shifting around the room as he walked towards Demented, pouring him a drink.

"I want to start while it's still hot," Demented quickly went to pick up a spoon.

"Er, shouldn't we wait for the other guest?" Anxious turned to the poorly dressed man, who's cloths were still damp from being in the rain. He silently wondered if Demented would get sick because of his attire, but then again, it wasn't any of his business how the disheveled man lived his life.

"I'll keep something warm for them," Remy piped up from beside Princey, placing a bowl in front of him.

The room sunk into an awkward silence, the only sound coming from the incessant slurping from Demented.

The other occupants in the room couldn't help but stare at him, save for Princey, who had gotten far too used to the obnoxious sounds that endlessly flowed from his brother's mouth. Thomas and Remy quickly made themselves scarce once everything was served, and went into the kitchen.

"Well," Anxious quietly began, briefly wiping his face with his napkin, "Someone's got to break the ice, and it might as well be me..." his voice held a hint of confidence to it that seemed rather unusual, for someone with his alias. Truth be told, he only wanted to make conversation so Demented would stop slurping—it was incredibly obnoxious, "I mean, I'm sort of used to being a host," Anxious explained, his words seeming to speed up in pace, "It's part of my families work and it's always difficult when a group of new people meet together for the first time to get acquainted," his voice was still quiet, and his gaze was shifting around the room, focusing on anything but the number of eyes that rested on him, "So, I'm kind of prepared..." Anxious trailed off, gnawing on his lower lip, his stomach churning, repeating to himself over and over again to just come right out and say what he wanted, to stop rambling, "Frankly, I have absolutely no idea what we're all doing here."

Finally, he thought, was that so hard to just start with?

"Or what I'm doing here, or what this place is about, but I hope I can enjoy myself," and there he was, rambling again, "And I'm a bit curious and, oh, uh, this soup's delicious, isn't it?" he finally stopped himself by shoving a spoon full of the soup in his mouth, heart pounding.

Everyone—save for Heart, who just seemed to be listening calmly to him, and offering him a small smile—stared at him like he had grown a second head.

"You say you're used to being a host as part of your families work?" Snake inquired.

"Sort of, yes," Anxious replied once he pulled the spoon from his mouth, his attention briefly flicking to the man dressed in yellow, before staring at his soup in front of him, "It's a very important part of your life when you're the son of..." he trailed off, recalling that Thomas had made it a point not to revel anything about yourself to one another, "I forgot, we're not supposed to say who we really are," he muttered, face flushing in embarrassment.

"I know who you are," Brain spoke up, a smirk playing on his face

Anxious nearly chocked on air, staring up at the man he had accidentally spilled his drink on mere moments ago.

"Aren't you going to tell us?" Princey turned to look at Brain, an almost mischievous air about him.

"H—how do you know who I am?" Anxious nervously asked, swallowing a lump that had formed in his throat.

"I work in Washington, too," Brain stated, simply.

"Washington, so you're a politician's son?" Demented inquired, turning to face Anxious.

"Yes, I... I am..." he replied quietly, gaze quickly focusing back on his soup.

"Who's your father?" Heart's question was one of genuine curiosity. He was very curious about the other guests around him, but if they didn't wish to give out information, he wouldn't force them to.

Before Anxious could say anything else, Thomas briefly reentered the room, checking in to see how everyone was doing before returning back into the kitchen.

"So, what does your wife do?" Anxious quickly changed the topic, shifting his gaze to Snake.

"Nothing," Snake quickly cut in.

"'Nothing?'" Anxious echoed, somewhat startled by the sudden response.

"Well, she..." Snake paused, almost as if he was choosing his words carefully, "Just lies around on her back all day."

"Sounds like hard work to me," Princey piped in absentmindedly, earning a snicker from his brother. Oh gosh, they really did spend too much time together, didn't they? He felt almost regretful he made the joke, but it's not like he could take it back.

Another loud crash of thunder, combined with the sudden bang of Remy opening up the kitchen window, seemed to shake the room, causing an already wound up Anxious to jump, releasing his spoon and allowing it to fling onto the floor, staining Demented's already ruined outfit.

"I'm sorry," he quickly apologized, grabbing his napkin and offering it to Demented, "I'm a bit accident-prone," he explained quietly.

Demented held up his hand, "Nah, it's fine, my outfit is already ruined enough as it is," he grinned, "Just the way I like it!"

"You truly are a disgusting slob sometimes," Princey couldn't help but comment, rolling his eyes in mild annoyance, recalling his brother's dreadful habits.

"Thank you!" Demented chirped, grinning wide.

Thomas had reentered the room once more, removing the barely touched bowls that sat in front of the guests, while Remy replaced them with a second helping of food.

Anxious eyed the food carefully, taking a bite from it. He couldn't help but hum thoughtfully, "I always enjoyed this recipe," he muttered to himself, taking another bite. It was odd seeing it made in any other place besides his parents home, as it wasn't very popular in most of New England—or any other part of the world, now that he thought about it.

"I know, mister," Thomas spoke up, nearly startling Anxious, as he wasn't expecting anyone to have heard him.

The comment earned another pause of awkward silence, once again getting interrupted by Anxious, "So, what do you do in D.C., Mr. Brain?" he asked, nervously tugging at the sleeves of his suit, "I mean," he began to ramble once again, gaze shifting around everyone in the room for several seconds, "How are we going to get acquainted if we don't know anything about ourselves?"

"Perhaps he doesn't want to get acquainted with you," Princey cut in harshly. He found the continues talk from Anxious to be rather annoying, if he was being entirely honest. Why not just left the conversation happen naturally, rather than force out topics? Honestly, Anxious was just embarrassing himself at this point.

Anxious glared at Princey, "Well, I don't know, but if I wasn't trying to keep the conversation going then we would just be sitting here in an embarrassed silence," he snapped, his voice nearly quivered with anxiety.

"Are you afraid of silence, Mr. Anxious?" Demented couldn't help but ask, an almost smug air about him.

"Yes—What?" Anxious's voice seemed to raise higher than it ever had during his time speaking, "No, why?" he quickly corrected, steadying his voice back to it's normal level.

"Well, it just seems to me that you are," Demented noted, "You seem to suffer from what we call "pressure of speech.""

"'We?'" Brain echoed, eyebrow raised, "Are you a therapist?"

"I do know a little bit about psychological medicine, yes," Demented replied.

"Oh, you're a doctor?" Snake spoke up.

"Uh, I am, but I don't practice," Demented explained.

"Practice makes perfect, huh?" Brain pointed out.

"So, what do you do, Professor?" Snake took a small drink from his glass.

"I work for UNO, the United Nations Organization," he explained.

"Another politician!" Col. Heart exclaimed, an excited grin on his face.

"No," Demented corrected, "I work for a branch of UNO, W.H.O., the World Health Organization."

"What's your area of special concern?" Anxious asked.

"Family planning," Demented shot a glance at his brother, wanting desperately to change the topic, "What about you, Colonel," he quickly turned his focus to Heart, "Are you a real colonel?"

"I am, sir," the cheerful man replied, nodding his head in confirmation.

"You're not gonna mention the coincidence that you also live in Washington D.C.?" Princey spoke up, gaze shifting to Heart.

Heart seemed to pause, taking in the words that had just been said, "How did you know that?" he asked, turning to look at the man seated beside him, "Have we met before?"

Princey couldn't help but smirk, "I've certainly seen you before," he hummed, "Although, you may not have seen me."

"So, Princey, does this mean that you live in Washington too?" Brain inquired.

"Sure do," he chirped.

"Well, does anyone here not live in Washington, D.C.?" Anxious asked, gaze shifting around the guests at the table.

"Not anymore," Demented replied.

"Yes, but you work for the United Nations," Brain interjected, "That's a government job," he slowly felt pieces starting to connect in the back of his mind, "And the rest of us all live in a government town," he noted, "Anyone here _not_ earn their living from the government, one way or another?"

"Thomas," Heart spoke up, slowly rising up from his seat at the table, gently tugging on the sleeves of his blue sweater, "Where's our host and why have we been brought here?" he asked, almost in a slight panic.

Before Thomas could answer, the doorbell chimed, and he swiftly left the room. Heart took a seat back in his chair. Everyone in the mansion, Remy and Camden included, listed carefully as Thomas' voice swept through the building.

"Ah, good evening. You are eagerly awaited."

There was a soft sound of the front door closing.

"Are you locking me in?" an unknown voice asked, "I'll take the key."

"Over my dead body," Thomas replied, "May I take your bag?"

"No. I'll leave it here till I need it."

"It contains evidence, I presume?"

"Surprises, my friend, that's what it contains. Surprises!"

Thomas quickly reentered the room, "Gentlemen, may I present, Joan."

A slightly shorter individual stepped into the room, sporting a bright, orange knit cap. They gave off an intimidating atmosphere the longer they stared at everyone in the room, "What are they doing here?" Joan asked.

"Eating dinner," Thomas replied simply, "Do sit down, Joan," he spoke carefully as he approached the head of the table, pulling out the chair for the last guest.

"Thanks," Joan replied, taking a seat in the chair.

Remy came out, plate in hand, ready to place it in front of the late guest.

"Ah, it's fine, Remy, I already ate."

Slowly, hesitantly, Remy made his way back into the kitchen, a nervous air about him.

Anxious swallowed thickly, "What's going on?" he asked, turning his attention to Thomas, "Why have we been dragged here to this place?" his throat nearly closed up once he got the question out, palms sweating.

"Well, I believe we all received a letter," Thomas pulled out a slip of paper that he had tucked into his suit jacket, unfolding it, "My letter says, "It will be to your advantage to be present on this date, because someone by the name of Joan will bring to an end a certain long-standing, confidential and painful financial liability,"" he read, folding the letter and tucking it back into his jacket, "It is signed, "A friend.""

"I received a similar letter," Brain spoke up.

"So did we, didn't we?" Princey shifted his gaze to his brother, the two of them exchanging a look.

"I also received a letter," Joan cut in.

"How did you know Remy's name?" Brain couldn't help but ask, raising an eyebrow curiously. It had been bothering him since Joan had used it earlier.

"We know each other," Joan stated simply, shrugging their shoulders.

"Forgive my curiosity, Joan, but did your letter say the same thing?" Thomas inquired.

"No."

"I see..." Thomas trailed off as he turned his focus from Joan, to the various other guests in the room, pulling on a smile, "Can I interest any of you in fruit or dessert?"

There was no response.

"In that case," the butler began, "May I suggest we adjourn to the study for coffee and brandy. At which point, I believe our unknown host will reveal his intentions."

With little word exchanged between the group of people, they all made their way to the study.

"Well, there's no one here," Brain noted, being the first to step into the room.

"Please help yourself to brandy and be seated," Thomas stated, not bothering to acknowledge Brain's comment. He swiftly approached the desk in the back of the room, picking up the massive envelope that rested on it.

_To THOMAS:_

_PLEASE OPEN _ _ AFTER DINNER _

Princey took a seat on one of the couches, Demented by his side, "Mind if I smoke?" Demented asked, pulling a packet from his pants pocket and holding it out to the other guests in the room. He may not have much when it comes to manners, but it felt wrong not offering anyone else a cigarette.

They all declined.

Demented shrugged, "Suit yourself," he muttered, pulling out a match and lighting it.

Thomas picked up a nearby letter opener and gingerly tore open the envelope he held in his hands.

Heart eyed him somewhat wearily. For the first time all night, his smile was pulled into a nervous frown. What could possibly be waiting for them in that tiny envelope?

Snake briefly shifted his gaze around the room, an unease settling in his stomach.

Thomas pulled out the contents of the envelop and briefly glanced over a note that had been tucked into it. He took a deep breath, putting his full attention on everyone in the room, "Gentlemen, I'm instructed to explain to you what you all have in common with each other," he explained, shifting his focus to Joan, "Unless you would care to do the honors, Joan?"

That immediately caused the guests to turn their heads, staring at them, seated in the chair closest to the door.

"Why me?" Joan asked, "Do they know who I am?"

"I don't think so," Thomas replied, a hint of annoyance in his voice, "You've never identified yourself with them."

"It's a hoax!" Joan declared, standing up from their seat, "I suggest we all leave," they stated, making their way out of the room.

Thomas was quick to follow, "I'm sorry, you cannot leave this house!" he called after them.

Demented couldn't fight off the smirk as he watched Thomas run out of the room, immediately being followed by Anxious, Princey and Heart, who remained huddled in the doorway, shortly being joined by himself and the remaining guests.

"Who's going to stop me?" Joan snapped, approaching the front door, Thomas at his heels.

"All the windows have bars, all the doors are locked," Thomas informed.

"This is an outrage! You can't hold us prisoner!" Joan exclaimed, followed by a unanimous, "That's right!" from the other guests.

"Gentlemen, please," Thomas turned his focus to the six guests huddled by the door, exhaustion held in his voice, "Please return to the study," he urged, "Everything will be explained."

Joan was quick to walk passed Thomas, ignoring his orders as they rushed towards the back of the mansion, finding a rather poor excuse for a green house. Rain was seeping through the ceiling, dead plant life littered the floor. Not waiting another minute, Joan rushed over to an abandoned potted plant, preparing to smash the glass to pieces in hopes of an escape.

"You can't get out that way," Thomas stated.

"Why not? It's only glass—"

A large dog growled furiously, pushing up against the windows. Joan swallowed. They had two options. Either deal with a huge, terrifying dog, or go back to the study with everyone else...

They turned to face Thomas, a smug smile resting on his face. Joan dropped the pot and made their way back to the study, fearing the worst if they had deiced to go through with fighting a massive dog.

+

While the whole ordeal was taking place, Remy was handing off glasses of brandy to the guests. Demented eagerly took one, Logan waved the drinks off, as did Heart. Anxious gladly took a drink, knowing full well he'll need it if he wants to survive this night. Remy made it a note to avoid offering one to Snake, going straight to Princey, who quickly picked one of the drinks up.

Thomas reentered the room, Joan right behind him. He took his place back in front of the desk, facing everyone in the room, "Gentlemen, you all have one thing in common," Thomas declared, "You're all being blackmailed."


	2. Under Cover of the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Gentlemen, you all have one thing in common," Thomas declared, "You're all being blackmailed."

There was a brief moment of silence as everyone processed the information.

"For some considerable time, all of you have been paying what you can afford and in some cases, more than you can afford, to someone who threatens to expose you and none of you know who's blackmailing you, do you?"

"Oh, please," Anxious huffed, "I've never heard anything so ridiculous," he slowly began to ramble again, "I mean, nobody could blackmail me. My life is an open book," that's a lie and he knew it, "I've never done anything wrong."

Thomas looked around the room, a calmness in his gaze, "Anybody else wish to deny it?"

The question was met with silence.

"Very well," Thomas continued on with his explanation, "As everyone here is in the same boat, there's no harm in my revealing some details, and my instructions are to do so," he took a seat on the edge of the desk, various papers in hand, "Thank you, Remy," he offered the other butler a small smile, silently dismissing him.

"Sure thing," he quietly replied, exiting the room at a fast pace.

"Don't you think you might spare us this humiliation?" Snake spoke up.

"I'm sorry," Thomas offered Snake a sympathetic glance, "Professor Demented," he quickly turned his focus to the claimed psychologist, who had made himself comfortable by the fireplace, "You were once a professor of psychiatry, specializing in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur."

"Yes, but now I work for the United Nations," Demented replied simply, taking another drag from his cigarette

"So, your work has not changed. But you don't practice medicine at the UN," Thomas made his way over to the desk, "His license to practice has been lifted. Correct?"

"Why?" Heart asked, tilting his head in Demented's direction, a curiosity held in his eyes, "What'd he do?"

"His relationships with his patients weren't very professional," Princey cut in, taking a small swig from his drink.

"Wait, you're saying he—"

"I didn't sleep with any of my patients," Demented cut in, shooting a glare at Heart, "I was just..." he trailed off, making a gesture with his hand, "Overly friendly."

Anxious couldn't help but make a disgusted face, unsure of what exactly "overly friendly," entailed. Thomas seemed to notice the face he made, "Are you making moral judgment, Mr. Anxious," he asked, slowly approaching the young man, "How, then, do you justify taking bribes?" he took a seat in the empty space on the couch Anxious sat on, "In return for delivering your father Senator Anxious' vote to certain lobbyists?"

"My father is a paid consultant," Anxious countered, "There is nothing wrong with that."

"Not if it's publicly declared, perhaps," Thomas took in a deep breath before continuing, "But if the payment is delivered by slipping used greenbacks in plain envelopes under the door of the men's room, how would you describe that transaction?"

"I'd say it stinks," Princey declared, having made his way over to the butler and Anxious, his drink half empty.

"Oh, how would you know?" Anxious snapped in reply, shooting Princey a glare, "When where you in that men's room?"

"So it's true?" Demented asked.

"No, it's a vicious lie!" Anxious exclaimed, standing up from his seat on the couch for only a moment, glaring hard at the poorly dressed man.

"I'm sure we're all glad to hear that," Thomas muttered sarcastically.

Princey couldn't help but smile at the exchanges take place. All of this gossip was absolutely wonderful.

"But you've been paying blackmail for over a year now to keep that story out of the papers," Thomas tagged on.

Anxious huffed, standing up from his seat on the couch and walking over to one of the tables that had been tucked in the corner, closest to where Snake was sitting. He couldn't believe all this. Why was it so prevalent to reveal to the world everyone's dirty laundry? It wasn't fun listening to people's secrets being revealed, however true they may be.

"Well, I am willing to believe you," Snake offered, "I, too, am being blackmailed for something I didn't do," he explained, a sympathetic look on his face.

"Me too," Brain spoke up.

"And me," Heart chimed.

"Not me," Princey declared confidently.

"You're not being blackmailed?" Thomas turned to Princey in some surprise.

"Oh, I'm being blackmailed, alright," he corrected, a wide smile on his face, "But I did what I'm being blackmailed for," he hummed, walking over to the front desk and leaning back against it.

"What did you do?" Brain inquired.

"Well, to be perfectly frank—"

"He runs a specialized hotel and telephone service," Demented cut in, "It provides people with the company of whomever they find most attractive."

Princey shot a glare at Demented, "I could have told them that," he snapped, "You ruined my big reveal."

Demented simply shrugged, "Eye-for-an-eye, my dear brother."

"Oh?" Brain eyed Princey curiously, pieces in his mind slowly clicking together the longer the conversation went on, "So, how did you know Colonel Heart works in Washington?" he asked, "Is he one of your clients?"

"Absolutely _not_!" Heart exclaimed, standing up from his seat on the couch.

"I was _asking _Princey," Brain snapped in reply.

"Well, you tell them it's not true!" Heart demanded as he approached Princey, a nervousness oozing off of him that he hadn't been showing until this very moment.

"It's not true," Princey replied nonchalantly.

"Is that true?" Demented asked, already knowing the answer. He simply wished to cause a little more chaos in the already tense room.

"No, it's not true," Princey muttered to his brother.

"Aha!" Brain suddenly exclaimed, standing up from his seat, "So it _is_ true!"

"A double negative!" Thomas chimed in, simultaneously standing from his seat, quickly approaching Heart.

"A double negative?" Heart echoed, panic edging it's way into his voice, "You mean you have _photographs_?" he asked Princey, voice just barely a whisper.

"That sounds like a confession to me," Thomas stated, "In fact, the double negative has led to proof positive," he declared, "I'm afraid you gave yourself away."

Heart looked absolutely flustered, his cheerful nature from earlier dissipating by the seconds, "Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?"

"You don't need any help from me, sir."

"That's right!"

There was a brief pause, as if Heart was just realizing what he'd said.

"Seriously, I don't see what's so terrible about Colonel Heart visiting a house of ill fame," Demented spoke sincerely. He never truly understood what the problem was if people wished to spend time with someone specifically for sex, as long as rules were in place, and no one got hurt, what was the problem? "Most soldiers do, don't they?" he exchanged a look with his brother, who gave a small nod in agreement.

"But he holds a sensitive security post in the Pentagon," Thomas explained, briefly turning his attention to Demented, then turning back to Heart, "And Colonel, you drive a very expensive car for someone who lives on a Colonel's pay," he noted.

"I don't," Heart corrected, voice calm, "I came into money during the war when I lost my mom and dad."

Thomas opened his mouth to reply, but found himself unsure of how to responded.

Demented walked over to the empty space beside Brain and took a seat, with Heart following behind him, and taking a seat on the vacant couch.

"Snake," Thomas quickly spun on his heels to face the man he addressed, "You've been paying our friend the blackmailer ever since your wife died under, shall we say, "mysterious circumstances.""

Princey's face lit up as something clicked into place, causing him to let out a loud cackle at the statement.

"Why's that funny?" Snake shot a glare at the overly excited man.

"I see, that's why she was lying on her back," he hummed, "In her coffin."

"I didn't kill her," Snake stated.

"Then why are you paying the blackmailer?" Heart asked, a confused look crossing his face.

"I don't want a scandal, do I?" he explained, "We had a very humiliating public confrontation. She was deranged, a lunatic."

Brain watched Snake carefully, gaze focused.

"She didn't actually seem to like me very much," he continued, "She had threatened to kill me in public."

"Why would she want to kill you in public?" Princey asked, eyebrow raised in mild confusion.

"I think he meant she threatened, in public, to kill him," Thomas explained.

"Oh," Princey muttered quietly, "Was that her final word on the matter?" he asked, his smile from earlier returning.

"Being killed is pretty final, wouldn't you say?" Snake replied, gaze piercing.

"And yet she was the one who died," Thomas noted, "Not you, Snake, _not you_."

"What did she do for a living?" Princey inquired.

"She was a scientist," Snake explained, simply, "A nuclear physics."

"What was she like?" Princey asked.

Snake paused for several seconds, as if he had to recall how his wife had acted, "She was always a rather stupidly optimistic woman," his voice held a noticeable bitterness to it, "I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to her when she died. But she was found dead at home," he explained, "Her head and been cut off."

Brain squinted at the man dressed in yellow, eyeing him with some careful consideration.

"I had been out all evening at the movies," Snake stated.

"Do you miss her?" Princey couldn't help but ask. Snake didn't seem rather upset about his wife's death, causing him to feel slightly uneasy on the matter. He may help people with their lustful needs, but he always tried to encourage others to search for the person they wish to spend the rest of their lives with. So, the fact that Snake despised his wife made him wonder why he married her in the first place.

"Oh, it's a matter of life after death," Snake replied simply, "Now that she's dead, I have a life."

Princey blinked, unsure of how exactly to respond, hating the twist of anger in his stomach. Why marry someone, only to speak about her in such a disrespectful manner after she had passed away?

"But she was your second wife," Thomas noted, "Your first wife also disappeared."

"That was her job," Snake explained, "She was an illusionist."

"But she never reappeared."

Snake scoffed, "She wasn't a very good one."

Brain cleared his throat, gaining the attention of the other guests in the room, "I have something to say," he spoke up, standing up from beside Demented, "I'm not going to wait for Thomas here to unmask me..." he trailed off, stomach twisting with unease as he removed his glasses, "I work for the State Department and I'm a homosexual."

Thomas flipped through his notes, searching for the information.

"You and me both," Princey chimed, offering a reassuring smile.

"Well, it's a relief to know I'm not the only one," Heart let out a long sigh, sitting back in his seat, shoulders slouching with ease.

"Huh..." Anxious quietly muttered, a small smile on his face.

"I called it!" Demented exclaimed excitedly, clasping his hands together.

"Wait..." Brain shifted his gaze around the room, "I... You're all...?"

There was a various number of confirmed nods.

"Well, then, you all know," he cleared his throat, "I have to keep it a secret or I'll be at risk of losing my job on security grounds..." he put his glasses back on and sat back down, "That went better than I expected," he quietly admitted.

"Well," Demented stretched out his arms, turning to look back at Joan, "That just leaves Joan," he stated.

"What's your little secret?" Princey asked, eyeing them curiously.

"Their secret," Thomas cut in, gaze shifting around the room, "Oh, haven't you guessed? They're the one who's blackmailing you all."

Just as the sentence left his lips, thunder crashed outside. Heart was the first to stand up, glaring down at Joan, "_You're _the one who's been blackmailing us?" he exclaimed.

"You bastard!" Anxious snapped from across the room.

"Hey," Brain spoke up, standing up from the couch, placing himself between the two, "Fighting isn't going to solve anything," he stated, shifting his focus between the pair.

"The police are coming!" Thomas quickly interjected before a possible fight could break out.

With that being said, everyone was thrown into a panic, huddling around Thomas, who had swiftly made his way over to the doorway.

"_Listen_," his voice cut through the endless worry everyone sputtered out, "Blackmail depends on secrecy," he explained, "You've all admitted how they've been able to blackmail you. All you have to do is tell the police, they'll be convicted and your troubles will be over!" the butler explained, in one breath.

"It's not so easy," Joan stood from their seat, "You'll never tell the police."

"Then I shall," Thomas countered with a can-do attitude, "I have evidence in my possession, and this conversation is being tape recorded!"

"Point of order!" Brain panicked, "Tape recordings are _not_ admissible evidence!"

+

Remy took a drink from his cup of coffee he made himself, eyeing the tape recorder he had been listening to for the past few minutes or so.

Voice's clamored together, and it became harder to make out what exactly everyone was talking about.

He silently wondered what would happen next, "This is some very dramatic shit," he muttered aloud, silently wishing he had asked Camden to join him in his little eavesdropping session. He needed someone to talk to, after all.

+

"Gentlemen, the police will be here in about forty-five minutes!" Thomas explained, briefly glancing at his wrist watch, "Tell them the truth and Joan will be behind bars."

Joan smirked, quickly exiting the study.

"Where are you going this time?" Thomas asked, turning to see where they were walking off to.

"I think I can help them make up their minds," they explained, "I'm just grabbing my bag from the hall."

As quickly as Joan left, they came right back, a leather briefcase in hand. They walked over to one of the coffee tables and placed the bag on it, popping it open, "Who can guess what's in here?" they asked, a hint of amusement in their voice.

"The evidence against us, no doubt," Snake grumbled, huddling in front of the table with Princey and Heart by his side.

Joan chuckled, picking up several black boxes, tied with purple ribbons, and handing them off to each of the guests in the room.

"We didn't know we were meeting you tonight," Princey stated, looking over the box handed to him, "Did you know you were meeting us?"

"Oh, yes," Joan nodded, smile playing on their face.

"What were you told, precisely?" Snake inquired.

"Merely that you were all meeting to discuss our little financial arrangements," Joan explained, a mischievous look held in their gaze, "And if I did not appear, Thomas would be informing the police about it all. Naturally, I could hardly resist putting in an appearance," they shut the case once all of the boxes were handed off to their rightful owners. Joan stood near a tray of drinks Remy had left in the room, picking one up and taking a drink from it, "Open them."

"Why not?" Princey mused, taking a seat on the desk, "I enjoy getting presents from strangers," he hummed, pulling off the purple ribbon and lifting the lid. He blinked at the contents of the box, "A candlestick?" he muttered, pulling the heavy object out of the box and examining it, "What's this for?"

Snake opened his box, discovering that rope was in it. He carefully picked it up, swallowing a lump that had formed in his throat.

Brain opened his box, finding a led pipe. He stared at Joan, shock on his face. What could they possibly have planned, if they were giving out these weapons?

Heart and Demented opened their boxes, Heart having gotten a wrench, while Demented got a revolver. Heart eyed the gun wearily, exchanging a look with Demented, both unsure of what was going to happen next.

Anxious received a dagger. He shakily picked it up, grip on the handle tight.

"In your hands, you each have a lethal weapon," Joan explained, calmly making their way around the room, "If you denounce me to the police, you will also be exposed and humiliated. I'll see to that in court," they explained, a grin slowly spreading across their face, "But..." there was a small pause, possibly for dramatic affect, "If one of you kills Thomas now..."

Thomas' eyes widened at the suggestion, fear sinking into his shoulders.

"No one but the seven of us will ever know," Joan continued, "He has the key to the front door, which he said would only be opened over his dead body," they chuckled as they made their way over to Thomas, "I suggest we take him up on that offer," they hummed, moving towards the door and quietly closing it, setting down their drink, "The only way to avoid finding yourselves on the front page is for one of you to kill Thomas," they placed their hand over the light switch, "Now."

The lights switched off, and just for a moment there was silence.

A dull thud interrupted the quite, accompanied by a raspy breath, then a gunshot and a very feminine scream—where'd that last one even come from?

The lights were quickly turned back on by Anxious, who's face contorted into one of pure shock. He dropped the dagger he had been clutching in his hands minutes prier, his anxiety spiking.

"It's not Thomas," Heart stated, everyone quickly standing up to see who had gotten injured.

Joan was lying face down on the floor.

"Are they alive?" Snake couldn't help but ask, worry edged in his voice.

"Stand back," Demented ordered as he lowered himself beside Joan, "Give them air," he tagged on, quickly checking their wrist for a pulse for several seconds, then their neck, "They're dead!" he conclude.

"Who had the gun?" Snake asked suspiciously.

"I did," Demented replied.

"Then _you_ shot them!" Anxious snapped in reply.

"I didn't!" Demented argued.

"Well, you had the gun! If you didn't shoot them, who did?" Anxious had to keep his voice from quivering. God, this was not how he wanted to spend his night.

Demented knelt back down beside Joan, flipping them over, "Nobody!" he exclaimed, "Look, there's no gunshot wound!" Demented began to talk at a rapid pace, trying to prove his innocence, "Somebody tried to grab the gun from me in the dark and the gun went off," he pointed towards one of the shelves that used to have a vase on it, "Look! The bullet broke that vase on the mantle!"

Immediately, everyone rushed over to where Demented had pointed, "He's absolutely right," Heart chimed in, pointing to the wall, "Look! There's a bullet hole, here in the wall!"

"How did they die?" Brain shoved past Heart, glaring at Demented with an accusatory manner.

"I don't know!" he shouted, quickly shoving past the other guests in annoyance, "I'm not a forensic export!"

"Well, one of us must have killed them!" Snake snapped, removing his hat and tossing it to the side, equally as annoyed as Demented, if not more so.

"Well, _I_ didn't do it!" Brain exclaimed, quickly setting down the lead pipe on the coffee table.

"Sorry, but I need a drink," Anxious muttered, walking over to the cup Joan had been drinking out of and taking a long gulp from it without even thinking.

Demented's eyes widened, as if he had just had an epiphany, "Maybe they were poisoned!" he exclaimed.

Anxious froze, dropping the glass. Some might have expected him to start screaming, but he did no such thing. He paled and his hands shook. Brain quickly rushed over to him, "Mr. Anxious, just calm down," he spoke gently, but sternly as he guided the fearful man over to the couch, lowering him down, "Just take deep breaths, the drink may not even be poisoned," he offered, kneeling, so he remained eye level with the younger man, "Breath in for four seconds, hold for seven, and then out for eight..." he advised carefully.

A timid nod was his response, along with doing as Brain had instructed.

"Was the brandy poisoned?" Heart quietly asked the air around him.

"I don't know," came Brain's quiet reply, his focus still on Anxious.

The other's quickly rushed over to where the glass had been dropped on the ground. Princey swiftly picked it up, examining it, "Looks like we'll never know," he stated.

"Unless..." Brain stared at Anxious carefully, "Unless he dies too..."

The other's quickly moved towards Anxious, eyeing him carefully, waiting for something, _anything_ to happen that would point to signs of death.

Anxious simply closed his eyes, taking deep breaths to calm himself, trying to ignore the number of people staring at him.

A loud scream was heard off in the distance, and everyone, save for Anxious, shared a collective gasp, as they stood up straight. As they ran out of the study, the scream was heard once more, from the billiard room, right beside the study.

Princey was the first to try and tug at the door handle, "It's locked," he breathed, turning to look at the others.

"Open the door, please!" Heart called out to the distressed screamer.

"It must be the murder!" Demented concluded.

"Why would he scream?" Brain slowly asked, eyeing Demented with mild confusion.

"He must have a victim in there," Snake panicked, "Oh my God, Remy!"

"Oh my God!" Brain exclaimed.

Just as Princey and Heart stopped trying to open the door, Remy quickly flung it open, allowing everyone to file into the room.

"You're alive!" Thomas exclaimed, relief in his voice.

"No thanks to you!" Remy snapped bitterly, picking up his cup of coffee he had placed on the pool table.

"What do you mean?" Thomas asked, slightly confused.

"You locked me up with a murderer, you idiot!" the other butler exclaimed, as if the answer was obvious.

"So the murderer is in this room?" Snake spoke up.

"Duh," Remy stated bluntly.

"But where?" Brain cut in, suddenly feeling frantic.

"Where?" Remy echoed, taking a quick drink from his cup to try and calm his nerves, "_Here_," he gestured towards them, "We're all looking at him!" he explained, swallowing a lump that started to form in his throat, "It's like what Snake said in the study, one of you is the killer."

"How did you know we said that?" Demented asked, a little more aggressive than he had originally intended.

Remy gestured to the tape recorder a few feet away, "I was listening."

"Well, why were you screaming in here all by yourself?" Snake inquired, an underline suspicion in his voice.

"Cause I was scared!" Remy exclaimed, as if it was the most obvious thing, "I drank some of the brandy too!" he chocked back a sob, burying his face in his cup, "I can't stay in here by myself..."

Princey and Heart exchanged a look, both quick to approach the startled staff member, "Come back to the study with us," Princey offered his hand towards Remy.

"With the murderer?" Remy countered.

"You know the old saying," Heart offered the tearful butler a reassuring smile, "There's safety in numbers, kiddo!"

As Heart and Princey guided Remy to the study with the others, Thomas stayed behind. He approached the recorder, stopping it and pulling out the film roll, briefly glancing over it. This night wasn't going exactly as planned, but he could work with it.

+

"Is there no indication of how he died?" Brain asked as everyone filed into the study.

"No," Demented replied simply.

"This is terrible," Thomas declared, "This is absolutely terrible," he rambled, "It's not what I'd intended," he took a seat in a nearby chair, legs too weak to stand, "Oh my God..."

"Not what _you_ intended?" Snake stared at Thomas, baffled.

"So, you're _not_ the butler?" Princey asked, equally as baffled.

"I'm not _the _butler, but I am _a _butler," Thomas explained, "In fact, I was their butler," he gestured to Joan's body.

"So, if they told you to invite us all to their house, why did they arrive late?" Demented inquired.

"I invited you," Thomas muttered, "In fact, I wrote the letters..." he trailed off, swallowing thickly, "It was all my idea..."

"Wait a minute," Snake cut in, "I—I—I don't understand," he stammered, stepping over Joan and approaching Thomas, "Why did you invite as here to meet your late employer?" he briefly glanced at the body, "Were you assisting them to blackmail us?"

"Certainly not!" Thomas countered defensively, standing up from his seat, glaring at Snake.

"I think you'd better _explain_," Snake snapped.

There was a brief moment of silence as Thomas collected his thoughts, "Please sit down, everyone," he muttered, making his way over to the desk.

Quickly, all the chairs were taken, leaving Brain to lean against one of the tables in the far corner.

"When I said that I was Joan's butler, this was both true and misleading," Thomas began, "I was once their butler, but it was not their untimely death this evening that brought my employment with them to an end."

"When did it come to an end?" Heart carefully asked.

"When my boyfriend deiced to..." Thomas paused, a lump forming in his throat, "End his life..."

There was a brief moment of silence as the information set in.

"He, too, was being blackmailed by Joan," Thomas muttered, shifting his gaze to the floor, "They hated my boyfriend for the same reason that they hated all of you," he looked up at the guests, "They believed that you were all thoroughly un-American."

There was a loud crash as the table Brain had been seated under broke from his weight. He swiftly got up, dusting himself off, and awkwardly eyeing everyone that was now staring at him, "I'm sorry," he apologized, focusing his attention back to Thomas.

"For some reason, they felt that it was inappropriate for a senator to have a corrupt family, for a doctor to take advantage of his patients—"

Demented grimaced at the choice of wording.

"For a husband to murder his wife, and..." Thomas trailed off, too tired to list the number of other reasons, "So forth."

"But this is ridiculous," Brain stated, "If they were such a patriotic American, why didn't they just report us to the authorities?" he asked.

"They decided to put their information to good use and make a little money out of it," Thomas explained, "What could be more American than that?"

Anxious nodded slightly in agreement.

"And what was your role in all this?" Demented asked.

"I was a victim too," Thomas shifted his gaze to the floor, a sadness in his voice, "At least, my boyfriend was, and not just because of..." he made a small gesture with his hand, "You know..." he sighed, "He had friends who were..." tears threatened to slip from his eyes, "_Socialists_," he forced out.

There was a collective number of shocked exclamations.

"Well..." Thomas sniffed, doing his best to keep his voice from quivering, "We all make mistakes."

Snake was quick to pull out a handkerchief from his pocket, offering it to Thomas, who gingerly took it, dabbing at his eyes.

"Joan threatened to give my boyfriends name to the House Un-American Activities Committee unless he named them," Thomas swiftly explained, "He refused, and so they blackmailed him. We had no money, and the price of their silence was that we work for them for nothing. We were slaves," he declared, "Well, to make a long story short..."

"Too late," Princey piped up.

"The suicide of my boyfriend preyed on my mind and created a sense of injustice in me," Thomas continued on, ignoring the comment, "I resolved to put Joan behind bars. It seemed to me the best way to do it, and to free all of you from the same burden of blackmail, was to get everyone face to face, confront Joan with their crimes, and then..." he paused, allowing everyone to process the information, "Turn them over to the police."

"So everything is explained," Demented declared, sitting back in the arm chair.

Anxious nodded absentmindedly.

"Nothing's explained," Princey countered in frustration, "We _still _don't know who killed them."

"The point is, we've got to find out in the next thirty-nine minutes before the police arrive," Thomas cut in.

"My God!" Anxious suddenly exclaimed, "We can't have them come here now!"

"But how can we possibly find out which of you did it?" Brain cut in, voice nearly cracking in exasperation.

"What do you mean, which of "_you_" did it?" Demented shot a glare at Brain.

"Well, _I_ didn't do it!" Brain responded, approaching Thomas and Snake, staring at Thomas with an almost pleading gaze.

"Well, one of us did," Thomas stated, "We all had the opportunity," he walked over to the place Brain once stood, looking over the guests, "We all had a motive."

"Great!" Demented chimed in sarcastically, standing up from his chair, "We'll all go to the chair!"

"Maybe it wasn't one of us," Princey offered, standing up from his seat beside Heart.

"Well, who else could it have been?" Heart asked.

"Who else is in the house?" Princey questioned.

"Only Camden," Remy and Thomas replied in unison, shooting each other a look.

There was a long moment of silence.

"_The cook_!" everyone exclaimed in unison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WAHOO! Second chapter and we've officially made it thirty-four minutes and seven seconds into the movie!
> 
> Hope you're enjoying this so far! Sorry this one is a bit shorter than the first chapter, but I'm trying to end these on, sort of, cliffhangers.
> 
> Fun Fact: The segment where Joan turned off the lights was actually originally going to be part of the first chapter, but that chapter was already really heckin' long, so I just cut it off at the blackmail part, because, my god, that first chapter was over 6,000 words long, and I was not ready to deal with writing any more than I had to.


	3. Bodies in the Study

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a long moment of silence.
> 
> "_The cook_!" everyone exclaimed in unison.

Everyone quickly rushed down the hall, to the kitchen, pausing just at the entrance. They all carefully looked around the room, curious as to where Camden could be.

Brain slowly walked through the kitchen, gaze searching for where the cook could have possibly gone. He stopped right beside the meat freezer, turning and pushing up his glasses, "Well, he's not here," he quietly stated, shoving his hands in his pockets.

The freezer door creaked open, and a girlish scream escaped Princey's mouth.

_Ah, so _that's_ who screamed earlier when the lights turned off_, several people thought.

Brain was quick to catch Camden as he fell out of the freezer, his body limp in Brain's arms, "I didn't do it," he shouted defensively, feeling himself slowly sinking to the ground the longer he held Camden in his arms, "Somebody help me, please," he pleaded, "Somebody help me, please," he repeated, slowly sinking further onto the ground, until he finally dropped the cook.

Princey rushed over to him, followed by Heart, helping shift the body off of Brain, so the three of them could get a better look at what they were dealing with.

Camden had a dagger stabbed through his back. Heart nearly made a move to touch it, but Brain quickly stopped him, "Don't touch it, it's evidence," he swatted Hearts hand away from the dagger.

"Oh, not for us," Snake spoke up, having joined the other three on the ground to examine the corpse, "We have to find out who did this. We can't take fingerprints!"

Heart stood up, turning to face Thomas, "I think you'd better explain yourself Thomas."

"Me? Why me?"

"Who would want to kill the cook?" Brain questioned aloud.

"Dinner wasn't that bad," Princey piped up from the floor.

"How can you make jokes at a time like this?" Heart snapped, shooting a glare at the well dressed man.

"It's my defense mechanism," he replied sternly, standing up and placing his hands on his hips.

"Some defense!" Heart couldn't believe the audacity, "If I was the killer, I would kill _you _next."

"Oh?" Princey mused.

The comment Heart made immediately gained the attention of the other guests, each of them eyeing him suspiciously.

"I said 'if,'" Heart emphasized, nervously fiddling with his sleeves as he shifted his gaze between the other's, "'_If_.'"

Their gazes didn't falter.

"Hey, come on!" he backpedaled, "There is only one admitted killer here and it is _certainly _not me," he turned his focus to Snake, "It is him!"

Snake rose from his position on the ground, "I've admitted nothing," he slowly backed away as Heart approached him, practically backing him into a corner.

"Well, you paid the blackmail," Heart countered, "How many wives have you had?"

"Mine or other men's?"

"Yours."

"Five."

"Five?"

"Yes, just five," Snake stated, "Wives should be like Kleenex. Soft, strong and disposable."

"You lure women to their deaths like a spider with flies," Heart declared.

"Flies are where women are most vulnerable!"

"Right!" Heart's voice grew a bit softer, blinking several times at the statement, "Well, if it wasn't you, then who was it?" he asked, "Who had the dagger anyways?" he swiftly turned towards Anxious, "It was you, Mr. Anxious, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, but I put it down," Anxious stated.

"Where?" Princey asked.

"In the study."

"When?"

"I don't know!" Anxious snapped, thoughts racing, "Uh, before I fainted, after I fainted, I don't know!" he rambled, "But any of you could have picked it up!"

Thomas hummed thoughtfully, turning his focus from Anxious to the other guests, "Look," he began, "I suggest we take Camden's body into the study," he approached the corpse.

"Why?" Heart inquired.

"I'm the butler," Thomas replied simply, "I like to keep the kitchen tidy."

+

As everyone staggered into the study, something became very apparent, once they took in their surroundings.

"Look!" Demented was the first to notice the change, releasing his hold on Camden and gesturing to where Joan's body should have been, "The body's gone!"

Thomas immediately let go of Camden, allowing the corpses face to fall on the ground, a soft gasp escaping his lips.

"What are you all staring at?" Anxious questioned, peering over Thomas' shoulder to see why they had suddenly stopped in the doorway.

"Nothing," Thomas breathed.

"Well, who's there?" Anxious asked.

"Nobody," Brain muttered.

"What do you mean?"

"Nobody!" Thomas' voice grew slightly more panicked, "No _body_, that's what we mean," he explained, "Joan's body, it's gone!"

"Maybe they weren't dead," Snake offered.

"They were," Demented replied.

"We should've made sure."

"How?" Anxious asked, a sudden calmness in his voice, "By cutting off their head, I suppose."

"That wasn't called for," Snake snapped in reply.

"Where are they?" Princey asked, shoving past Anxious and Snake, a frantic edge to his voice.

"We'd better look for them," Thomas quickly moved to search around the small room, followed by the other's, leaving Camden's body in the middle of the doorway.

"Well..." Brain began, "They couldn't have been dead."

"They were!" Demented threw up his hands in exasperation, "At least, I thought they were. But..." he trailed off, rolling up his still-damp sleeves to his elbows, "What difference does it make now?" he grumbled.

"Makes quite a difference to them," Princey stated, "Maybe there is life after death."

"Life after death is improbable as sex after marriage," Snake cut in.

Brain tapped his chin, thoughts frantic, grasping at anything that could make some type of sense, "Maybe _Joan_ killed the _cook_," he suggested quickly approaching Thomas.

"Yes!" Princey and Snake agreed in unison.

"How?" Thomas asked, a look of utter annoyance on his face at the theory.

A small sigh left Brain, nodding his head. Of course that theory was out the window—he knew that before he even said anything, but it could never hurt to get the bad hypothesis out of the way before you find the good ones.

"Ah, well, if you'll excuse me, I have to, uh..." Anxious trailed off, "Um, is there a restroom in the hall?" he quietly asked Remy.

"Yeah, just over there, hon," he pointed in the direction of the bathroom.

"Thanks, I just needed to wash my hands," he explained, stepping over the cook and making his way to the restroom.

"What's this, Thomas?" Princey spoke up, pulling out fragments of film that had been in the yellow envelop Thomas had opened at the start of the night.

"I'm afraid those are the negatives to which Colonel Heart earlier refereed," Thomas explained, approaching the desk Princey was standing by.

Heart felt his face flush in embarrassment, "Oh my God," he couldn't help but mutter, quickly walking over to the three men.

"Were you planning to blackmail him, Thomas?" Princey inquired, a playful tone in his voice as he did his best to look over the film.

"Certainly not," Thomas immediately replied, "I'd obtained them for the Colonel and I was going to give them back as soon as Joan was unmasked," he explained.

Princey hummed, "Very pretty," he chirped, "Would you like to see these, Remy?" he asked, approaching the other butler, gently waving around the film, "They might shock you!"

"I'm good, thanks," he took a drink from his seemingly never ending coffee cup. He was far too tired for this never ending trivia of "who-done-it?"

"Suit yourself," Princey smirked.

"What sort of pictures are they?" Demented asked, looking over his brother's shoulder, squinting to get a better look at what he was waving around.

"They are my pictures and I'd like them back, please!" Heart pleaded, face growing an even darker shade of red the longer Princey held on to the images.

"No, I'm afraid there's something in them that concerns _me_ too," Princey stated.

"Let me see," Demented quickly snatched the images out of his brother's grasp, holding them up to get a better look.

"Oh, my," Snake quietly exclaimed, staring at the photos with some amazement, "Nobody can get into that position."

"Sure they can," Demented turned towards Snake, handing the photos back to his brother, "Let me show you—"

"Don't even _think _about it," Snake hissed, backing away from Demented before he had the chance to grab a hold of him. He had absentmindedly hid himself behind Heart and Thomas, glaring at Demented over their shoulders.

A loud scream echoed through the mansion.

With the distraction, Heart snatched the pictures from Princey's grasp, which Thomas than snatched from him, placing the evidence back on the desk and swiftly running out of the study with the others, stepping over Camden's body.

The scream was coming from Anxious, who appeared to be getting attacked by Joan.

"It's Joan!" Brain exclaimed as he ran over to the pair, "They're attacking him!" he grabbed Joan's shoulder and pulled them off Anxious, finding blood coated the side of their face. Demented helped to lay Joan on the ground, kneeling to get a better look.

"No, no," Snake had knelt down beside the body, checking for a pulse, "They're dead," he said quietly.

"Joan, dead," Thomas knelt between Demented and Snake, "Again."

"Oh my God," Anxious breathed, feeling his vision going fuzzy.

"He's going to faint," Thomas quickly stood up, stepping over Joan's body.

"Somebody catch him!" Demented exclaimed, pointing to Anxious.

"I'll catch him," Thomas quickly went behind the dazed man, arms out, ready to grab him before he hit the floor, "Fall into my arms."

Anxious gave one final sigh of exhaustion as he felt his eyes close, slipping through Thomas' grasp and sliding onto the floor, right under the butler, with a small thud.

"Sorry," Thomas sheepishly apologized.

"You've got blood on your hands," Snake shot Brain a look.

Brain stared at the stain on his hands, a shiver crawling up his back. He must have gotten them blooded when he grabbed Joan off of Anxious, "I didn't do it!" he stressed, pulling out a handkerchief from his pocket and wiping off his hands excessively.

There was a beat of silence as the other guests stared at Brain uneasily.

"They've got new injuries," Thomas noted, picking up Joan's arm and dropping it, "Well, they're certainly dead now," he turned his focus to the people around him, "Why would anyone want to kill them twice?"

"Seems so unnecessary," Princey muttered.

"Well, it's what we call overkill," Heart chimed in, tucking his hands in his pockets.

"What we call psychotic," Demented tagged on.

"Unless they weren't dead before!" Brain pointed out.

"What's the difference?" Demented asked.

"That's what we're trying to find out!" Thomas shouted, "We're trying to find out who killed them and where, and with what!"

"There's no need to shout!" Demented cut in.

"I'm not shouting!"

The statement earned a few raised eyebrows from the guests.

Thomas shifted his gaze between them, "All right, I am!" he admitted, "I'm shouting! I'm shouting! I'm shout—"

A sudden thud interrupted Thomas' speech, having been hit on the head with an unknown object. He limply fell to his knees, and face first onto the floor.

The other's stared at the three bodies on the floor for several seconds.

+

Remy, Snake and Princey dragged Camden into the study first, allowing the others to carry in Joan.

"Okay," Heart clasped his hands together, thinking over where the bodies could go, "Put the corpses on the sofa," he deiced.

Princey sighed, stretching his arms for a brief moment. He, along with Snake and Remy, lifted Camden up off the floor, carefully placing him on the sofa. Though, the end result was a less than flattering position, having to keep the knife from digging further into his back, they placed him over the armrest.

"Careful," Thomas muttered as he entered the room, holding an ice pack to his aching head, "Don't get blood on the sofa."

"Alright, now for Joan," Heart turned to pick up the corpse.

Brain and Demented helped lift them up off the ground, carefully easing Joan into a sitting position on the couch.

"Now," Heart shifted his gaze between everyone in the room, "Who..." he trailed off, noticing that Joan's eyes were still open. He closed them with his hand before continuing, "Who had access to the candlestick?"

"All of us," Princey stated.

"It was given to you," Snake noted.

"Yeah, but I dropped it on the table," Princey replied, crossing his arms and shooting a glare at Snake, "Anyone could have picked it up," he gestured between Snake and Heart, "You, him!"

"Look, we still have all these weapons," Thomas picked up the various items lying on the floor, "The gun, the rope, the wrench," he placed the weapons on a nearby dresser, reaching over to grab the lead pipe that Brain handed off to him, "The lead pipe," he turned to open one of the cupboards, "Let's put them all in this cupboard and lock it," he picked up the weapons and placed them in the cabinet, "There's a homicidal maniac about!" he shut and locked the weapons in the cabinet.

"Good idea," the guests agreed.

"What are you doing with the key?" Brain asked.

"Putting it in my pocket," Thomas replied, placing said item in his pocket.

"Why?"

"Well, to keep it safe, obviously!"

"That means that you can open it whenever you want!" Anxious pointed out, carefully standing up from his seat, still feeling slightly dizzy.

"But it also means that you can't!"

"Well, what if you're the murderer?" Anxious countered.

"I'm not."

"But what if you _are_!" Heart pressed, approaching Thomas, noticeably on edge.

"Well, it's got to be put somewhere!" Thomas shot back, "If I've got it, I know I'm safe."

"We don't know that we are," Anxious gestured to the others in the room, as if to emphasize his point.

"I have an idea," Thomas offered, clasping his hands together, "We'll throw it away!" he made his way out of the study, the other's trailing behind him, agreeing with the plan.

As Thomas opened the front door, ready to throw away the key, they came face to face with a young man soaked from the rain. He hastily ducked down as a reflex, not wanting to be hit with whatever it was the butler was going to throw out.

"Sorry," Thomas apologized, staring at the bearded man with some surprise, the others halting behind him.

The visitor, Dominic, slowly stood back up, unsure of what to think.

"Sorry," Thomas repeated, offering a nervous grin, "Can we help you?"

"I'm sorry," Dominic apologized, "I didn't mean to disturb the whole household, but my car broke down out here and..." he gestured towards his vehicle, "I was wondering if I could use your phone."

"Just a moment, please," Thomas replied, turning to face the others.

This was a very unusual experience for Dominic, especially since one of those guests looked vaguely familiar. He tried not to think too much about it though. It was probably nothing.

Thomas turned back to the man, "Very well, sir," he smiled, "Would you care to come in?"

He stepped into the mansion, "Well, where is it?" he asked.

"What, the body?" Thomas silently cursed himself for the question.

"The phone," Dominic replied, a confused look crossing his face, "What body?"

"There's no body—nobody," Thomas stuttered, "There's nobody in the study."

"No!" the other guest's chimed in.

"But, I think there's a phone in the lounge," Thomas offered, his voice going a little softer.

"Uh, thank you," Dominic smiled, glad to find such helpful people.

Thomas closed the front door, guiding the visitor to the lounge.

"When you've finished your call, perhaps you'd be good enough to wait here," Thomas warned.

"Certainly," Dominic replied, gaze hesitant. What exactly had he just walked into?

Thomas offered one last smile before exiting the room, shutting the door.

Dominic went to pick up the phone, pausing momentarily to stare at the door, fear sinking in as he heard it lock with a faint _click_.

+

Heart walked up behind Thomas, tapping him on the shoulder and nearly startling the butler out of his own skin, "Where's the key?" he asked.

"In my pocket," he managed through his fear.

"Not that key," Demented interjected, "The key to the cupboard, with the weapons."

"Do you still wish me to throw it away?"

"_Yes_!" everyone shouted in unison.

Thomas shuffled over to the door, opening it. He pulled out the key from his pocket and tossed it outside, quickly coming back in and locking the front door, "Well," he began, turning to look at everyone, "What now?"

"Thomas, let me out," Snake suddenly pleaded, hand outstretched for the key.

"No," the butler replied sternly.

"Why not?" Snake asked, voice fearful.

"We gotta know who did it," Thomas stated, "We're all in this together now—"

"If you leave, I'll say that you killed them both," Anxious snapped, startling Snake at the sudden harshness in his voice.

"Me too," the others agreed in unison.

Snake turned towards Thomas, glaring hard at him, "Oh, Thomas, I'll make you sorry you ever started this," he hissed, grabbing at the butlers tie, "One day, when we're alone together—"

"Snake, no one in their right mind would be alone together with you," Thomas cut in, not at all bothered by the threat.

"Well, I could use a drink," Heart offered, glancing into the study.

"So could I," everyone agreed.

"Just checking," he reassured, turning to face the others.

"Everything all right?" Anxious asked.

"Yep," Heart hummed, his cheerful state from earlier in the night returning, "Two corpses. Everything's fine."

+

Heart picked up a bottle of whisky, carefully placing several cups beside each other. He had always wanted to try pouring the drinks in each cup without having it spill on the table, and today would be the day. As he had expected, he accidentally made a mess on the table and wasted some perfectly good alcohol.

"Alright, look," Heart began, picking up one the drinks and hastily downing it, briefly making a face of pain. He definitely wasn't used to drinking, "Pay attention, everybody," he ordered, though his voice was filled with a type of gentleness you'd hear in a father's voice. He turned to Thomas, "Thomas, am I right in thinking there is nobody else in this house?"

Thomas thought for a moment, "No."

"Then there _is_ someone else in this house?"

"No, sorry," Thomas corrected himself, "I said 'no' meaning 'yes.'"

"'No' meaning 'yes?'" Heart raised an eyebrow, tone shifting to slight frustration, "Look, I want a straight answer. Is there someone else, or isn't there, yes or no?"

"Um, no."

"No there _is_, or no there _isn't_?"

"Yes."

In one swift motion, Snake smashed his empty glass of whisky against the fire place, "_Please_!" he cut in loudly, earning everyone's attention, "Don't you think we should get that man out of the house before he finds out what's been going on here?" his voice cracked as he tossed the rest of the broken glass behind him.

"Yeah," Princey agreed.

"How can we throw him outside in this weather?" Demented countered, walking up to Snake, his brother at his heels.

"If we let him stay in the house, he may get suspicious!" Princey argued.

"If we throw him out, he may get even _more_ suspicious!" Demented shot back

"If I were him, I'd be suspicious already!" Heart piped in.

"Oh, who cares?" Anxious interrupted, "That guy doesn't matter!" he exclaimed, "Let him stay locked up for another half an hour," he loosened his tie, fear pressing down in his stomach, "The police will be here by then, and there are _two dead bodies in the study_!" he shouted, gesturing to the open door.

Everyone quickly hushed him.

Heart sighed, grabbing the bottle of whiskey and pouring himself another glass, "Well, there is still some confusion as to whether or not there's anybody else in this house," he stated, gulping down his drink.

"I told you, there isn't!" Thomas bitterly replied, silently annoyed that Heart wasn't listening.

"There isn't any confusion, or there isn't anybody else?"

"Either!" Thomas blinked, his train of thought twisting in all sorts of directions, "Or both."

"Just give me a clear answer!" Heart pleaded.

"Certainly!" Thomas cleared his throat, "What was the question?"

"_Is there anybody else in this house_?" Heart shouted.

"_No_!" the others yelled at Heart.

He sniffed, running a hand through his hair as he addressed the other guests, "That's what he says, but does he know?" Heart grabbed the whisky bottle, briefly staring at it before downing the remainder of what was left, holding off a wince in pain as tears stung at his eyes, "I suggest we handle this in proper military fashion," he breathed, placing the bottle down and wiping his face with his sleeve, "We split up and search the house."

"Split up?" Anxious gaped.

"Yes," Heart nodded, "We have very little time left, so we'll split up into pairs!" he declared.

"'Pairs?'" Demented echoed.

"Yes," Heart replied.

"Wait a minute," Demented approached Heart, "Suppose that one of us _is_ the murder, if we split up into pairs, whichever one of us is left with the killer might get killed!"

"Then we would have discovered who the murder is!"

"But the other half of the pair would be dead!" Anxious cut in, voice nearly cracking from distress.

Heart huffed, slowly approaching the younger man, "Kiddo, I'm sorry, but..." he turned to look at the others, hoping to find Anxious some type of reassurance.

"Can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs," Snake chimed in quietly, "Every cook will tell you that."

"But look what happened to the cook!" Anxious fought back a sob.

"Colonel, are you willing to take that chance?" Brain asked, expression calm.

"What other choice do we have?" Heart asked, voice quiet, hand gently resting on Anxious' shoulder.

"None," Princey muttered.

"I suppose you're right," Brain gave a solemn nod.

"Yeah, right..." Remy agreed, "But it's dark upstairs and..." he trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck, "I'm not a fan of the dark..." he admitted, "Would anyone go with me?"

"I suggest we all draw lots for partners," Thomas spoke up, walking over to the fire place and taking a hand full of matches.

+

They had all gathered in the kitchen, everyone watching Thomas closely as he carefully cut the matches, an uncomfortable silence in the room. Once the matches were all cut, he gathered them up, turned his back, and mixed them up.

"Ready?" he asked, turning to face the others, "The two shortest together, the next two shortest together. Agreed?"

There were various nods of understanding.

"And I suggest the two shortest search the cellar, and so on, up," Thomas added.

Everyone got a match and slowly checked to see who they were partnered with.

Thomas got Snake, Colonel Heart got Princey, Mr. Brain got Remy, and finally, Professor Demented was paired with Mr. Anxious.

"Oh God," Anxious muttered at the outcome, wishing he could have been partnered up with anyone aside from the walking disaster that was Professor Demented.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we get an F in the chat for our boy Camden? He was the best of us.
> 
> On a serious note though, we've officially clocked in at forty-six minutes and thirty seconds into the movie. Still a ways to go, but we're getting there!
> 
> As always, hope you enjoyed reading, feel free to leave a comment letting me know your thoughts, and most importantly, have a splendid day, guys, gals and non-binary pals!
> 
> Fun Fact: So far, this chapter is the shortest one I've written for this fic. The other two are about 6,000 to 5,000 words, while this one falls at round 3,000.


	4. All Good Things Come in Pairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh God," Anxious muttered at the outcome, wishing he could have been partnered up with anyone aside from the walking disaster that was Professor Demented.

Everyone filed out of the library, Thomas, Snake, Remy and Brain starting their walk up the stairs.

"The cellar," Thomas gestured to the door by the stairs that seemed to blend in with the wall.

Anxious and Demented nodded in understanding.

"Well, we know what's in the study," Heart spoke aloud to Princey, "We've just come from the library and the stranger's locked up in the lounge."

"Let's go look in the billiard room again," Princey suggested.

There was a nervous tension as everyone separated into their respective pairs, all on edge.

+

Despite the new source of light Brain had flicked on, the attic was still draped in shadow. Neither Brain nor Remy made a move to walk up the stairs.

"Do you want to go up in front of me?" Brain more suggested than asked.

"Absolutely not," Remy replied quietly.

"I'm sure there's no one up there," he reassured.

"Then you go in front."

"Alright."

They remained glued to the bottom of the stairs, fear sinking into their shoulders.

+

Anxious was the first to enter the dark cellar, constantly glancing behind him to make sure Demented wasn't planning to murder him right then and there. A soft gasp escaped him as they both got a better look at what awaited them, all of it being masked by darkness.

"Well," Demented began, "Children first..."

Anxious scoffed at the statement. From what he could tell, he was only three or four years younger than everyone else, that didn't make him a child, "No, no, you can go first," he offered

"No, no, no," Demented felt an unusual sense of terror fill his stomach, "I insist—"

"No, _I_ insist," Anxious cut in.

"Well, what are you afraid of, a fate worse than death?" his voice increased in volume ever so slightly.

"No, just death," Anxious replied, "Isn't that enough?"

+

Thomas and Snake found themselves looking into two different rooms that were beside each other, a black grandfather clock sitting in the center of the small space that separated the rooms. Thomas and Snake turned to look at each other.

"Are you going in there?" Thomas asked.

"Yes," Snake replied, "Are you?"

"Yes."

There was a beat of silence, neither of them taking their gaze off the other.

"Right, right," Thomas muttered, turning his focus to look back into the dark room, "Um, I don't see any light switches in there..." he trialed off, turning to look back at Snake.

"Well, neither do I," Snake replied, "But there must be switches somewhere."

"Shall I come in with you?"

"No!" Snake blinked, clearing his throat, "I mean..." he corrected himself, keeping his voice steady, "No, thank you," he gave a small, forced smile.

Thomas didn't respond, as the two slowly started to turn their attention back to the dark rooms, fear sinking into their stomachs.

In one swift motion, the pair jumped back out of the rooms, turning to meet the others gaze. The lack of trust was very potent in the air.

+

Princey and Heart stood up from behind the bar, both staring at each other for a few seconds before Heart made a gesture to the open flip up countertop, "You can go first," he offered.

"No, thanks," Princey replied simply.

This prompted Heart to move forward towards the exit of the bar, along with Princey, causing them to get stuck with their backs pressed together. Both of them struggled for several seconds as they tried to squeeze through the small gap.

Princey straightened his tie, clearing his throat, gaze fixed on Heart, both watching the other to see what they would do. Heart walked passed him at a steady pace, picking up a cue from the rack that hung on the wall. Prinecy let out a sharp breath, holding out his arms in self defense as Heart slowly made his way over to him.

The startled man lowered his hands as Heart moved towards the pool table, keeping his gaze on Princey. The pair seemed to share a silent conversation, resulting in Heart nodding at the pool table.

They carefully leaned down, checking to see if anyone could have possibly been hiding under it. Both were relieved to find that no one was there.

+

Brain and Remy still had yet to move from their spot at the bottom of the stairs, dread sinking deeper into their stomachs.

"Go on," Remy gently nudged him in the shoulder, giving him a look, "I'll be right behind you."

"That's why I'm nervous," Brain muttered.

"Then we can go together," the butler suggested.

Brain shifted his gaze towards him, offering a small nod in reply.

Slowly, carefully, the two made their way up the creaky stairs, their sides pressing together as they walked. The staircase was a much tighter squeeze then both of the men realized, but they managed to keep walking without too much struggle.

+

Anxious let out a sharp yelp as Demented shifted behind him, causing him to practically jump the rest of the way down the few steps remaining and flicking on the lights, illuminating the cellar, "Stay there," Anxious fearfully warned, hands shaking.

Demented had apparently slipped on the stairs, causing him to slide down. He blinked, quickly pulling himself up as soon as the lights had been turned on. He swallowed, gaze locked with Anxious.

+

Heart hid himself behind the door as he opened it, while Princey tucked himself against the wall, hoping to remain out of sight from anyone who could possibly be hiding in the untouched room.

After a few seconds of silence, the two poked their heads into the room, checking to see who might be there.

"What room is this?" Heart asked, staring into the dark.

"Search me," Princey muttered in reply.

"Alright—"

"_Not _what I meant," Princey shot Heart a look before he even had his hands on him.

+

"If there's anybody in here, just look out!" Thomas warned the dark room around him. He could hear Snake's muffled voice in the room next door.

"Are you hiding?" Snake questioned the darkness around him, "I'm coming..."

+

Demented carefully made his way down the rest of the cellar stairs, keeping a good distance between him and Anxious.

A sudden loud squeak caused Anxious to shout, stepping back from where the noise had come from, heart rate sky rocketing.

The mouse that had made itself known hurried back into the darkness.

"It was only a mouse," Demented muttered, turning to examine the different items in the cellar, moving passed the dusty old table that had equally dusty plates stacked on it.

Anxious huffed at the response, swallowing and turning to search the other room, which mostly contained pipes, and what looked like an old heater.

+

Princey and Heart kept their backs against the wall as they walked into the dark room. Heart carefully ran his hand over the wall, searching for the light switch and flicking it on. The action earned him a soft gasp from Pricey, who huffed out a sigh in relief shortly after.

"Nobody here," Heart noted, a small smile on his face as his gaze fell on a piano tucked in one of the far back corners of the room.

"He's behind one of the curtains," Princey suggested, eyeing the curtain covered windows suspiciously.

Heart flicked his gaze to Princey for a moment, then turned his focus to the curtain, "You look," he stated, "I'll search the kitchen," he quickly walked out of the room before Princey even had a chance to argue.

Princey scoffed, but didn't bother trying to argue the subject any further. He took a deep breath, pulling on a brave face as he slowly moved across the ballroom, a sense of fear digging into his back.

Surely the murderer wasn't in this room, he attempted to reassure himself the closer he got to the curtain. Steadying himself, he grabbed hold of the curtain and shoved it aside, discovering a fragment of the window had been broken.

"Huh..." he blinked, slowly realizing how ridiculous he was being, after all, he would have at least seen the outline of someone if they were hiding behind the thin curtain.

+

A cop car slowed down as the driver spotted an abandoned car on the side of the road. The car did a quick turn around and carefully stopped itself a ways away from the empty vehicle.

Terrence parked the car and stepped out, shutting the door behind him as he approached the abandoned vehicle, pulling out his flashlight and shining it into the dark windows.

Where on earth had the driver gone?

+

Various pictures were scattered across the desk in the study, all showing the guests in different situations. A gloved hand tossed the recordings onto the pile and briefly paused, as if whomever the hand belonged to was looking over the stack of items to be certain that all the evidence had been gathered.

The gloved hand picked up the evidence, tossing it in the fire place. The person watched the fire consume every last thing that had caused the blackmailing to occur.

He unlocked the cabinet all the weapons were in, silently debating on which to use.

+

"I'm a little nervous," Dominic admitted, grip tight on the phone, "I'm in this big house, and I've been locked into the lounge," he explained, pausing as the person on the other end spoke, "Yes," he replied, "The funny thing is, there's a whole group of people here having some sort of party," he swallowed, dread settling in his stomach, "And one of them is my old boss, from—"

A sharp hit in the back of his head was the last thing he felt before everything went black. His body went limp, and he hit the floor.

With some care, the person who had murdered him picked up the phone he had dropped on the floor, and gently placed it back on the receiver, ending the call.

+

Heart flicked on the lights to the conservatory, Princey by his side. They exchanged a look before entering the room, both splitting up to search through different sections.

The more cheerful of the two entered a small closet, picking up a rag that was sitting on one of the shelves and wiping off his hands. Heart leaned back against the wall, only to find himself falling, letting out a startled noise as he caught himself on the door frame before he could hit the ground.

Princey turned on his heels, slowly making his way over to his partner to see if he was okay.

"Looks like a secret passage," Heart muttered as he pulled himself upright.

"Should we see where it leads?" Princey asked, a sense of unease filling his stomach.

Heart picked up a nearby flashlight, "What the hell," he shrugged, offering a small smile to Princey, "I'll go first," he decided, turning on the flashlight, "I've had a good life."

Princey followed Heart down the secret passage, letting out a startled yelp as he nearly tripped over his own two feet. It was a short walk to the other end. Heart opened the low door, finding that it lead to the lounge, where they discovered Dominic laying on the floor, dead.

"Oh my God!" Princey gasped, running a hand through his hair. As those words left him, the secret passage behind them slid shut, causing Princey to let out a scream, turning to Heart with terrified eyes.

The two ran up to the door, desperate to get it open.

"Oh, come on!" Heart practically pleaded to the inanimate object, banging on the door in an attempt to get someone's attention.

+

Brain felt himself go tense, turning in the direction that the screaming had come from. He knew exactly who that scream belonged to, he was sure _everyone _in the mansion did. Roman must be in some sort of trouble!

Remy couldn't help but grab onto Brain's arm, staring at him with some type of worry.

+

Thomas and Snake ran out of one of the rooms they had been looking through, just as Brain and Remy came down from the attic. In their panic, the group collided into each other and piled onto the floor in a disgruntled mess, all while Heart and Princey kept calling for help.

Brain was the first to get up, pulling Thomas to his feet, while Remy and Snake collected themselves and joined them as they quickly ran down the stairs.

"Where's it coming from?" Thomas frantically asked, turning his head in different directions to identify where the noise could be.

"Where are we going?" Brain asked, nearly tripping on his way down the stairs.

"Where are they?" Anxious' frantic voice asked as he and Demented ran up from the cellar.

"The lounge!" Thomas concluded, pointing to the door.

Thomas, Demented and Brain all frantically attempted to open the door.

"The door's locked!" Demented stated.

"I know," Brain grumbled, an exhaustion in his voice.

"Then unlock it!" Demented snapped.

"Where's the key?" Brain turned to Thomas, eyebrow raised. He somehow felt oddly calm, despite the situation at hand.

Thomas quickly felt around his pockets, "The key's gone!"

"Never mind about the key!" Demented interrupted, "Unlock the door!"

Brain grabbed the professor by his horrendously fixed collar, shaking him violently, "I can't _unlock _the door _without _the _key_!" he shouted back, his calmness from seconds ago dissipating. He released Demented and turned to help Thomas open the door, "Let us in! Let us in!"

"Let us out! Let us out!" Heart and Princey demanded from the other side of the door.

"It's no good!" Thomas took several, long steps back, "Stand back," he warned, readying himself to go into a full sprint, "There's no alternative," he decided, "I'm just going to have to break it down!" he ran at the door, putting his full force into the action, only to immediately bounce back from the door and fall to the ground, holding his pain filled shoulder.

Remy let out a small gasp as an idea came to him, "I know!" he exclaimed, "I have an idea!" he turned towards the study.

"Somebody help," Princey begged, accompanied by another plead from Heart.

"Will you be quiet already?" Anxious grumbled, shooting a glare at the door, "We're doing our best."

Remy ran out of the study, tripping over Thomas and firing off the revolver, hitting the string that was holding the chandelier in place.

Brain and Demented quickly threw themselves onto the floor as soon as the gun went off.

Anxious screamed, tripping over himself and right into Snake, who did his best to hold the startled man upright.

+

Princey latched onto Heart as he heard the gun go off from the other side of the door, fear gripping at his heart, "They're shooting at us!" Heart exclaimed, "They're shooting at us," he repeated, eyes wide as he held onto Princey for some type of comfort.

A small whimper escaped Princey at the thought of dying because of those idiots. He glanced up at Heart. Well, he couldn't help but think, at least he'd die holding onto a handsome man.

+

Snake pulled Anxious up onto his feet, keeping his hold on the younger man's shoulders as he collected himself.

Remy quickly got up, aiming the gun at the lounge door with a surprisingly steady hand.

Demented made a move to get up from the floor, but Brain quickly pulled him back down by his shirt as Remy fired two shots at the door, breaking the lock.

+

"I've been shot!" Heart gaped, grabbing onto his arm where the bullet had grazed him, "I've been _shot_!" he repeated, his fear slipping into anger.

Princey steadily stood up, helping the injured man stand as carefully as he could.

+

"You can come out!" Remy announced, "The door's open."

As the lounge doors flew open, Brain and Demented quickly got up and ran out of the way so neither Heart or Princey would trip on them.

The two stumbled out, Heart looking absolutely livid—more than he's been the whole night it seemed, "_Why _are you shooting that thing at us?" he asked, doing his best to keep his voice steady.

"To get you out," Remy explained.

"You know you could've killed us!" Heart snapped, approaching Remy, gaze piercing, "I could've been killed!" he sighed, slowly making his way over to Brain and Demented, "I can't take anymore scares..." he muttered, his anger turning into that of wariness.

_CRASH_.

The various guests made small noises of surprise as the chandelier fell to the ground, glass pooling around the main hall.

Heart swallowed, slowly turning to see the chandelier had shattered in the exact spot he had been standing just seconds ago. He slowly sat down in a nearby chair, taking several deep breaths to calm his rapidly beating heart.

There was a beat of silence as everyone seemed to catch their breaths.

"But look!" Princey cut through the quiet, pointing inside the lounge.

The group gathered towards were Princey was pointing, finding the dead body laying on the floor.

"Which one of you did it?" Anxious asked, voice filled with an accusatory tone.

"We found him," Princey replied in exasperation, "Together!"

"How did you get in?" Snake raised an eyebrow.

"The door was locked," Brain pointed out.

"It's a great trick," Snake remarked, leaving the others unsure if he was being sarcastic, or if he was genuinely impressed.

"There's a secret passageway from the conservatory," Princey muttered, clutching at his hair in an attempt to calm his nerves.

Demented gestured to the gun in Remy's hand, "Is that the same gun?"

"From the cupboard?" Anxious turned his focus to the other butler, eyes wide with surprise.

"But it was locked!" Demented exclaimed.

"No, it was unlocked," Remy had a matter-of-fact tone in his voice.

"Unlocked?" Demented, Brian and Thomas echoed in utter shock.

"Yeah!" Remy replied, "See for yourself," he ran towards the study while the others followed. He threw the gun under the shattered chandelier just before everyone gathered in front of the wide open cupboard in the study.

"How did you know it was unlocked?" Anxious eyed Remy suspiciously, tone sharp, "How did you know that you could get the gun?"

"I didn't," Remy argued, "I thought I could break it open, but it was open already."

"A likely story," Anxious muttered.

The tension that hung in the air only seemed to grow as the doorbell chimed throughout the house.

"Maybe they'll just go away," Princey offered to no one in particular.

Everyone held their breaths, waiting to see if it would ring again.

The chime filled the air once more, along with sighs of disbelief.

"I'm going to open it," Brain said, earning shocked expressions from the others in the room, along with a yelped "_Why_?" from Princey. Brain scoffed, "I have nothing to hide!" he stressed, "I didn't do it!" he walked over to Thomas at a brisk pace, holding out his palm, "The key," he demanded.

Thomas stared at the hand, digging into his pocket and slapping it in his hand.

"Thank you," Brain stated, a determined look in his eyes as he hurriedly walked to the front door, the other's trailing behind him, all in a panic.

+

Terrance offered the group of people a small smile as the front door opened, "Good evening—"

He was cut short as the door was immediately shut in his face, only to open once more in a matter of a few seconds.

Brain smiled at the police officer, "Yes?" his voice nearly cracked with nerves.

"I found an abandoned car down near the gates of this house," Terrance explained, "Did the driver come in here for any help, by any chance?"

A chores of "No's" came from the group standing behind Brain.

Brain thought over his response as the other's went quiet, "Well, actually, yes," he admitted.

"No," the other's countered, surprisingly very calm.

Terrance raised an eyebrow, eyeing the crowed of people with some confusion, "There seems to be some kind of disagreement," he noted.

Once again, a chores of "No's" came from the group behind Brain.

Brain nodded, a grin plastered on his face, "Yes."

"Er, can I came in and use your phone?" Terrance asked, hesitation in his voice.

Brain's mouth hung open as he tried to think of a response, only to have Thomas push past him, "Of course you may, sir!" he offered the officer a warm smile, "You may use the one in the, um..." he trailed off, trying to recall where all the phones were in the house, "No, er..." he clasped his hands together, "You could use the one in the st..." he quickly corrected himself, eyes wide, "No."

Terrance blinked, unsure of how to responded to the butler's constant change of mind.

"Would you be kind enough to wait in the, um..." Thomas hesitated, "In the um, uh, library," he gave a forced smile, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat.

"Sure," Terrance quietly replied, gently nodding his head as he entered the house. He eyed the various guests carefully, Remy catching his gaze, "Don't I know you from someplace?" he couldn't help but ask.

Remy offered a simple shrug in. response.

"You all seem very anxious about something," Terrance shifted his focus to the group of people.

"Ah, it's the chandelier," Thomas explained, "It fell down. Almost killed us," he quickly explained, "Would you like to come this way, please, sir?" he gently took hold of Terrance's arm, guiding him to the library.

Princey and Demented rushed over to close the study and lounge door, resulting in a loud slam that startled Thomas and the officer. Terrance stared at the two siblings, who were both attempting to be as nonchalant as possible.

An alarmed look flashed on the butlers face for a moment. He quickly collected himself, offering Terrance a smile as he turned back to face Thomas, "Frightfully drafty, these old houses," he chuckled nervously, stepping aside to allow the officer into the library, "Please help yourself to a drink, if you'd like," he offered, grabbing the door handles, "Not the cognac, just in case," he informed, pulling the doors closed.

"Just in case of what?" Terrance asked, placing down the wine bottle he had picked up moments prier.

Thomas didn't reply, swiftly locking the doors and shoving the key in his pocket. He quietly walked over to the group, "What now?" he whispered, voice panicked.

The doorknob to the library jiggled rapidly as the officer tried to open it form the other end.

"We should have told him," Brain said.

"All very well for you to say that now," Anxious muttered, shooting Brain an annoyed look.

"I said it then!" Brain countered, his voice raising in volume.

"Oh, shut up!" the other's snapped in reply.

"Let's clean this up," Thomas gestured to the broken glass scattered around the floor.

+

Terrance gave up on trying to open the door, deciding it'd be best if he just make his phone call. He turned, walking over to the phone that was seated on the table, reaching down to grab it, only to jump back as the phone's ring rang through out the mansion. He hastily answered it, "Hello?" he asked the person on the other end.

+

Everyone eyed the library doors fearfully, holding their breaths in anticipation.

"Maybe the cop answered it," Thomas suggested, turning to face the others, throat tight with nerves.

+

"And who shall I say is calling?" Terrance asked.

There was a pause as he waited for the person's response.

"Ah, would you hold on, please?" he spoke quietly, placing the phone on the table and approaching the library door, "Let me out of here!" he demanded, banging on the door, "Let me out!" he repeated, "You have no right to shut me in!" he thought carefully of what could get them to open the door, "I'll book you for false arrest, and wrongful imprisonment, and obstructing an officer in the course of his duty, and _murder_!"

The doors quickly flew open, the butler greeting him with a wide smile and a broom in hand, "What do you mean, 'murder?'" Thomas replied casually.

"I just said that so you would open the door," Terrance explained, "What's going on around here?" he asked, "And why would you lock me in? And why are you receiving phone calls from _J. Edgar Hoover_?"

"J. Edgar Hover?" Thomas echoed in utter shock.

"That's right! The head of the Federal Bureau of Investigation!"

"Why is J. Edgar Hoover on your phone?" Heart asked Thomas, letting out a confused chuckle.

"I don't know," Thomas bristled, tightening his hold the broom, "He's on everybody else's, why shouldn't he be on mine?" he walked past the policeman, "Excuse me," he shot a quick glance at everyone before pulling out the key to the library door and shutting it.

Terrance turned to face the rest of the guests, "What's going on here?" he asked, crossing his arms and eyeing everyone suspiciously.

"Uh..." Princey offered a warm smile, placing a hand on his shoulder as a friendly gesture, "We're having a party," he lied with ease.

Everyone gave collective smiles and nods in response.

"Mind if I look around?"

"Sure," Princey chirped, flicking his gaze to the group and crossing his arms, "You can show him around, Mr. Brain!" he grinned, gaze frantic.

"Me?" Brain gaped.

"Yes, uh..." Princey trailed off in thought, "You can show him the uh... dining room, the kitchen, the ballroom," he rolled his eyes in the different directions the rooms were in.

"Fine," Brain huffed in agreement, approaching the cop, "Fine..." he repeated, "Officer, um..." he put a shaky hand on Terrance's back, "Come with me," he kept his voice steady, "I'll show you the dining room or the kitchen, or the ballroom."

The pair trudged into the dining room. Brain stood warily by the door, occasionally glancing to see what the other's were up to. Terrance strolled around the room, looking for anything out-of-place. He lifted up the barrier on the counter between the kitchen and dining room.

"So, this is the dining room," Brain offered a nervous smile.

"No kidding?" Terrance let out a light laugh.

+

Princey had gathered everyone else in the study, "Make it look convincing," he stated, picking up a bottle of alcohol that had been discarded on the ground.

Heart pulled off his sweater, revealing a plain, gray t-shirt underneath it.

"Come on!" Princey stressed, grabbing his brother by the wrist and tugging him out of the study, allowing everyone else to set everything up without them in the way.

+

"What's going on in those two rooms?" Terrance asked, gesturing to the study and the lounge out in the hall.

"Er, which two rooms?" Brain asked dumbly.

Terrance hastily walked passed Brain, into the hall, pointing to the study and lounge, "_Those_, two rooms."

"Oh, _those _two rooms," Brain chuckled nervously.

"Yes!"

"Er..." Brain desperately searched for some type of excuse he could give to the officer, "What—"

The cop walked past Brain, towards the study, fully intent on opening the door.

"Officer!" he was quick to rush in front of Terrance, grabbing his arm in an attempt to stop him, "I don't think you should go in there," he stated, removing his hold on his arm.

"Why not?" Terrance raised an eyebrow.

Brain opened his mouth, searching for a reasonable reply, "Uh..." was all he managed to get out.

Terrance continued walking towards the study, and Brain was quick to jump in front of the door, using his body to block it, "Because it's all too shocking!" he exclaimed, attempting to keep the fear from his voice.

There was a beat of silence, before Terrance gripped the front of Brain's shirt and tossed him to the side—suspiciously far to easy, he noted. Brain let out a groan as he fell on a chair that was beside the door.

Music poured from the study as soon as the door was open. Terrance flicked on the lights of the room and the scene laid out before them caused Brain's mouth to hang open in utter shock.

Snake was on one of the couches passionately kissing Joan, who had a hand in his hair. Out of sight, Snake was doing everything in his power to keep his hold on Joan's elbow, which he was using to move their hand up and down—as Princey had said, make it look convincing. He just hoped it was convincing enough.

Terrance and Brain turned their heads to look at Mr. Anxious—Brain's mouth still agape.

Mr. Anxious had his arms wrapped around Camden, one of his hands keeping his eyes wide open as he held his face at an angel that made it look like he was burying his face into his neck. Behind them, Heart was hidden behind the curtain, ghostly running his hands up and down Anxious' sides, both exchanging glance's of utter fear of being caught.

Terrance hummed thoughtfully, turning to look at Brain, who was still in complete shock, "It's not all that shocking," he offered a simple shrug, "These folks are just having a good time," he turned to go back into the hallway, leaving Brain to fumble with the door handle and shut it, still shocked.

Once the two had left, Anxious stepped away, tossing Camden's corpse over one of the nearby chairs, "Oh my God," he breathed in relief.

+

Princey poured alcohol onto Dominic's mouth and adjusted his hand so he was grasping the wine bottle, quickly grabbing a nearby hat and placing it over the massive wound. He turned, sitting down on the couch, pulling his brother down by his shirt to sit beside him, "Light a cigarette," he snapped quietly.

"Alright, alright," Demented grumbled, pulling out his pack, "Mr. Bossy, over here," he lit it and Princey immediately snatched it. Demented blinked, shooting a glare at his brother, "I thought that was for me..."

"You have more, don't you?"

Sighing, Demented relented in starting an argument, and lit another cigarette for himself, just as the door opened.

"Excuse me," the officer spoke up.

Princey offered a light wave, "Hey, you two!" he chirped, "How's the tour going?"

"It's going just fine," Terrance replied, eyeing the man slumped over in the chair curiously.

Demented held out his box of cigarettes, shooting Brain a look. Brain politely shook his head in reply.

Terrance leaned forward, sniffing Dominic's face, "This man's drunk," he stated, turning to glance at the twins, "Dead drunk."

Princey laughed lightly, "Dead right."

"You're not going to drive home, are you?" Terrance asked the corpse slumped in the chair.

"He won't be driving home, officer," Demented announced, "I promise you that!"

"No," Princey nodded in agreement.

"Somebody will give him a lift, eh?"

"Oh, we'll..." Princey took a quick drag from his cigarette, trying to ignore the rapid beating of his heart, "We'll get him a car," he reassured.

"A long black car," Demented cut in without thinking.

"A limousine," Princey laughed as he lightly elbowed his brother in the side, a forced grin resting on his face.

+

Thomas stepped out of the library, broom still in hand, thankful that that conversation was over.

Terrance and Brain left the lounge, Brain shutting the door has they stepped into the hall.

Thomas pulled on a mock grinned, approaching the policeman, "Officer."

"You're too late, I've seen it all," Terrance replied.

"You have?" Thomas paled, glancing at Brain before fixing his attention back on the cop, "I can explain everything!"

"You don't have to," Terrance shook his head.

"I don't?"

"Don't worry!" he reassured, "There's nothing illegal about any of this."

Brain shook his head, smile forced into a thin line, eyes frantic.

"Are you sure?" Thomas couldn't help but ask.

"Of course! This is America."

"I see," Thomas briefly shifted his gaze between Brain and the officer.

Terrance gave Thomas a gentle pat on the side of his arm, "It's a free country," he explained, "Don't you know that?"

"I didn't know it was _that _free," Thomas stated, a confused look crossing his face.

Terrance turned to Brain, as if he could give an explanation to Thomas' cryptic answer. Brain simply grinned forcefully in response. He turned back to face the butler, "May I use your phone now?"

"Certainly," Thomas gestured to the library, smile oddly pleasant. He followed the cop back to the library, shutting the door behind him and locking it.

"Why did you lock him in again?" Brain asked.

Thomas approached Brain as everyone gathered out of their rooms, "We haven't finished searching the house yet," he explained.

"But we're running out of time," Demented whispered hurriedly, "Only fifteen minutes before the police come."

"The police already came!" Brain countered.

"Shut up!" several people whispered.

"Let's get on with it," Thomas snapped in annoyance.

Everyone split off into their respective groups, just as before, continuing their searches around the house.

+

Heart and Princey entered the kitchen, Heart making a small gesture towards one side of the kitchen where Princey could search, while he searched the other.

He eyed a small cupboard carefully, slowly reaching for the handle. Swiftly, he opened it, only to let out a small groan in pain as an ironing bored slammed into his forehead. He rubbed at the injury, blinking several times as he turned to face Princey, who was in the freezer.

He fiddled with one of the meat hooks, letting out a surprised yelp as another secret passage revealed itself, "Look!" he exclaimed, turning to face Heart, "I can't believe it," he spoke quickly as Heart approached him, "I wonder where this one goes," he turned to look back down the passage way.

"Let's find out," Heart couldn't help but smile.

"Okay," Princey muttered under his breath, carefully stepping into the passage with Heart trailing behind him.

As they walked down the passage, the music form the study grew louder. Princey opened up a door, only to discover that it was part of a painting. He carefully stepped out, surveying the room, hands on his hips. He turned back to face Heart, who simply shrugged.

"Let's try the ballroom again," he suggested, starting his walk out of the study, with Princey right behind him.

+

Remy and Brain found it easier to enter the attic this time, both shifting their gaze around the different items stored in the room.

Brain made his way over to a door, grabbing the handle and quickly pulling it open to see who might be hiding inside.

+

Someone turned off the circuit breaker, causing all the lights, and even the music, to turn off.

+

Demented was quick to light his match, only to tense up at the little light it gave him. This was how he died today, wasn't it? He couldn't help but think.

Meanwhile, Anxious took rapid deep breaths in an attempt to calm his nerves, letting out a loud yelp as he ran into something behind him.

Demented made an attempt to see where Anxious was, only to shake the match from his hand that had burned down to the tip far too soon, leaving him in complete darkness once again.

+

Thomas let out a sharp gasp as the door slammed behind him. He spun around on his heels, complete and utter fear taking hold of him.

He heard something slam from another room, followed by Snake letting out a loud scream.

+

Remy carefully walked down the stairs, occasionally checking behind him to make sure no one was following him. Once downstairs, he entered the billiard room.

"Shut the door," a voice whispered.

Remy did as instructed.

"Did anyone recognize you?" the voice asked.

"They must have, and not just my face," Remy noted, approaching where the voice was coming from in the dark room, "They know every inch of my body," he couldn't help feeling somewhat at ease with the familiar company, "And they're not the only ones—"

Before Remy had the chance to act, he let out a sharp gasp as a rope was thrown around his neck, "It's you!" he exclaimed, hands latching onto the rope in a desperate attempt to keep from being strangled.

+

"Hello?" Terrance spoke into the phone, "Hello?" he repeated, a sense of unease crawling up his spine, "There's something funny going on around here," he explained, voice quiet, "I don't know what it is."

There was a beat of silence as Terrance waited for the person on the other end to finish.

"No, I'm not on duty," he replied, "But I have a feeling that I'm in danger," he tried to keep his voice steady as he spoke, "You know that big, ugly house on top..."

The line suddenly went dead.

"Hello?" Terrance felt his heart beat quicken, "Hello?" he repeated, "Are you there?"

Little did he notice a figure slowly lifting up a led pipe behind him, ready to strike him down.

+

The doorbell chimed, and everyone in the house held their breaths.

The front door was opened, and a young girl stood on the front porch, a wide smile on her face as she began her small dancing routine, "Da, da, da, da, da, da, da," she sang, "I am your singing telegram—"

She hadn't even gotten the chance to finish as someone shot her. She fell, limp on the ground. Her killer immediately shut the door.

+

Brain fumbled with a door handle in the dark, quickly opening it and running face first into a bundle of stuff.

+

Heart quickly ducked under the dining room table, only to knock his head into it shortly after, in an attempt to get up.

+

Once again, Snake's screams were heard through the house.

"I'm coming!" Thomas called out, turning his head in different directions, trying to identify where a door could possibly be, "I'm coming!" he repeated, "I'll try to find the door," he explained, grabbing the nearest door handle and opening it, "Coming!" he reassured over Snake's continues please for help.

He searched the darkness around him, finding what felt like another door handle, "What's this?" he asked aloud, "Another door?" he twisted the handle, only to be immediately drenched as he turned on the shower head above him.

Definitely not a door...

+

Thomas quickly ran downstairs once he had found his way out of the room he was in, nearly tripping over his own feet in the dark. He turned towards the cellar, rushing to the circuit breaker, and flipping the switch.

The house was, once again, illuminated with light, and the music from earlier flowed through the halls.

Everyone came stumbling out of wherever they had ended up in the darkness, meeting Thomas in the main hallway, as if they were regrouping.

Princey blinked, turning to face the billiard room, everyone else catching his stare and following.

Remy was draped over the pool table, having been strangled by the rope. Everyone stared at him for several seconds, all far too exhausted to react in any sort of fear. Heart briefly ran a hand through his hair.

The group shuffled out of the room, walking over to the library and finding the cop draped over the counter, dead. Once again, there wasn't much of a feared reaction.

Brain pulled off his glasses, blinking several times, "Two murders," he stated flatly.

Demented approached the corpse, picking up the lead pipe that had been discarded beside the corpse, "Neither of them shot," he noted, "I thought I heard a gun."

"So did I," Anxious chimed in.

"I thought I heard the front door slam," Princey suddenly became panicked.

"Oh, God," Heart breathed, "The murderer must've run out," he concluded.

Quickly, everyone rushed to the front door, Demented having placed the pipe on the counter before he joined the others.

Thomas opened the door, the other guests crowding around him, "Three murders?" he questioned.

"Six, all together," Brain tagged on simply.

"This is getting serious," Thomas stated, solemnly shutting the front doors.

Thomas approached the chandelier frame that still remained on the floor, glancing down at it, "No gun," he noted, "Remy dropped it here," he informed. He thought for a moment, adjusting his suit as he turned to the guests, "Very well, I know who did it."

"_You do_?" everyone asked in utter shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy, what a mess, huh? First it was Joan and Camden, now it's Dominic, Terrence and a mysterious, young girl (*cough* Valerie *cough*). I wonder who the murderer was....
> 
> Any theories? Maybe it was Mr. Brain, or even the frantic Mr. Anxious. I guess we'll all just have to wait for Thomas' big reveal in order to find out who the true killer really is...
> 
> Unless you've seen the movie... then you already know... in that case, just don't spoil anything in the comments.
> 
> We're one hour, seven minutes and fifty-nine seconds into the movie! Almost over, guys, gals and non-binary pals! Whaoo!
> 
> Fun Fact: This was the hardest chapter to write so far, simply because of all the different shifts in perspective with the characters. I tried to keep the flow as clean as possible, so sorry if it's not the best.


	5. Connecting the Dots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Very well, I know who did it."
> 
> "_You do_?" everyone asked in utter shock.

"And, furthermore, I'm going to tell you how it was all done," Thomas went on, a sudden confidence oozing from him, "Follow me," he ordered, folding his hands behind his back and walking towards the library, everyone else trailing behind him, "In order to help you understand what happened, I shall need to take you through the events of the evening step by step," he explained.

_Oh no... _the guests collectively thought.

"At the start of the evening, Remy was here by himself, waiting to offer you all a glass of champagne," Thomas briefly picked up the glass on the counter before placing it back down, "I was in the hall," he began his walk out towards the main hall, only to pause at the door, turning to face everyone, "I know because I was there," he clarified.

He took in a deep breath, "Then, I hurried across the kitchen," he made a small gesture with his hand, signaling for everyone else to follow as he walked to said room. His walk turned into a jog as he rushed down the steps of the kitchen, "And the cook was in here, alive," he declared, stopping at the counter, "Sharpening knives, preparing for dinner," he spoke fast as he spun around to face the others who had began to stumble into the room, "And then..." he trailed off as he ran out of the kitchen.

Everyone quickly ran after Thomas, "Then the doorbell rang!" he shouted, running up to the front door, and spinning around to face the others, "And it was you," he gestured to Colonel Heart.

"Yes," Heart nodded in confirmation.

"I asked you for your coat and I recognized you as Colonel Heart, and I prevented you from telling me your real name because I didn't want any of you to use any name other than your pseudonym, and I introduced myself to you as the butler and I ran across the hall to the library!" Thomas spoke in one breath, words coming out fast before anyone had any time to even catch up with what he said next.

He ran across the hall, to the library. The guests stood in the main hall for several seconds, everyone exchanging a look, wondering where in the world this burst of energy came from.

"And then Remy met you," Thomas continued, spinning around to face the group that had made their way in front of the doorway, "And smiled," he pulled on a smile, similar to the one Remy had worn, "And poured you a drink," he immediately ran out of the library, back to the main hall.

Everyone watched him from the doorway as he stopped by the front door once again, "And the doorbell rang," he took in a sharp breath before continuing, "And it was Snake looking pale and tragic, and I took his coat and hung it up," he ran towards the library once again, stopping short as he stood in front of the group, "And I introduced Snake to Colonel Heart."

Thomas turned away from the group, where Snake and Heart had been standing at the start of the night, mimicking the encounter by saying "Hello," twice. He turned back to the group, approaching Snake, his voice going back to a regular pace, "And I noticed that Snake and Remy flinched."

Snake shifted his gaze to the floor at the statement.

"Then," Thomas went on, "There was a rumble of thunder and a crash of lightening," he mimicked the thunder, "And to make a long story short..."

"Too late," the guests chimed in.

"One by one, you all arrived," he spun around on his heels and ran out the door towards the gong, "And then the gong was struck by Camden," he rang the gong, just as Camden had done at the start of the night, "And we went into the dining room," he quickly rushed towards said room, while everyone trailed behind him.

"And Mr. Anxious sat here," he began standing in front of the chairs, moving down the row as he spoke, "And Professor Demented sat here," he slurped, "And Snake sat here, and Mr. Brain, Princey, Colonel Heart," he gestured to the chairs on the other side of the table as he made his way to the head of the table, "This chair was vacant," he took another deep breath, "Anyways, we all revealed we'd all received a letter," he began to gesture to the guests, his voice quickening in pace once more, "You'd had a letter, you'd had a letter, you'd had a letter—"

"Get on with it!" everyone shouted.

"The point is..." Thomas paused, taking another breath, "Blackmail!"

"All this came out after dinner in the study," Brain pointed out, gesturing to said room.

"You're right!" Thomas exclaimed, immediately starting his run towards the room, with the other's joining him. He began to point around the room, running too and fro as he pointed, "Mr. Brain stood here," he stated, voice still fast, "And Mr. Anxious here, and Princey here, and Professor Demented here, and Colonel Heart, and Snake—"

"Get _on _with it!" the group stressed.

"I'm getting there, I'm getting there!" Thomas reassured, his heart rate going a million miles a minute, "Joan went to get the surprise packages from the hall," he turned to leave, only to pause and look back at the others, "And you all opened your presents," Thomas shut the door to the study, "Joan switched off the lights."

Everything went dark, and everyone collectively screamed. There was a beat of silence as the lights came back on, having been turned on by Anxious. Thomas was lying on the floor, presumably dead, to everyone's shock.

"Oh, grand," Brain muttered sarcastically.

Thomas leaped up, "Joan lay on the floor, apparently dead."

"They were dead!" Demented argued, "I examined them!"

"Then why were they bashed on the head a few minutes later with a candlestick if they were dead already?" Thomas countered, gaze piercing.

"Alright, I made a mistake," Demented snapped, walking off towards the desk in the room.

"Right," Thomas declared his voice slowing down as he spoke, "But if so, why was Joan pretending to be dead?" he asked the room around him in an attempt to catch his breath, "It could only be because they realized their scheme had misfired," he explained, "And the gunshot was intended to kill them, _not _me!" Thomas approached Joan's corpse, "Look," he tilted their head to the side, showing off their ear, "The bullet grazed their ear."

Demented approached the corpse, staring at the graze.

"Clearly, their best hope of escaping death was to pretend to be dead already!" his voice was hushed as he spoke, but still held an intensity to it.

"So, whoever grabbed the gun from me in the dark was trying to kill them," Demented concurred.

"But remember what happened next," Thomas walked over to the table by the door, where the supposed poison glass still sat, "Mr. Anxious took a drink," he mimicked the drink, and gestured to Demented, "You said: "Maybe it's poisoned,"" he dropped the glass, "He couldn't breath and we took him to the sofa," Thomas began to guide Anxious to the couch, sitting him down, "Mr. Brain tried to calm him down," he knelt down to Anxious' level, just as Brain had done, and repeated what Brain had told him, "In for four seconds, hold for seven and out for eight."

He stood up, his fast pace coming back, "Then, a scream! Remy! The billiard room!" Thomas declared, rushing to the door and throwing it open, "We all rush out!"

+

Thomas leaned back against the pool table, eyeing the guests carefully, "But one of us wasn't here," he informed, "No."

"No?" everyone questioned, confused looks crossing their faces.

"No," Thomas confirmed, "Maybe one of us was murdering the cook," he offered, "Who wasn't here with us?" he eyed the group carefully.

"Do you know?" Brain spoke up, taking note of the tension the other guests felt.

"I do," Thomas stated, "While we stood here," he started running back to the study, "Trying to stop Remy from panicking," pausing just short of entering the door and pointing inside the room, "One of us could've stayed in the study," he rushed in, grabbing hold of the dagger, "Picked up the dagger," he ran down the hall, fist tight around the weapon, towards the kitchen, "Ran down the hall."

Everyone watched him with mild amazement. He still managed to keep himself so energized with the amount of running he was doing. Never the less, everyone followed him to the kitchen.

+

Thomas entered the open freezer, "And stabbed the cook!" he stabbed a piece of meat that was hanging up on one of the hooks.

"Oh, how could he risk it?" Anxious spoke up, "We might've seen him running back," he pointed out.

"Not if they used this secret passage," Thomas tugged at the same meat hook Princey had pulled earlier, revealing the door to the others. Some of them gasped at the discovery, "And the murder ran back down the secret passage to the study," he quickly ran out of the kitchen, the others right behind him.

"That's where it comes out?" Snake shouted after Thomas.

"Yes! Look!"

Everyone filed into the study. Thomas shifted the painting on the wall, showing everyone the passageway. He stared back at the surprised faces on the other guests, grinning.

"What?" Brain gaped.

"How did you know?" Heart inquired, a suspicion held in his gaze.

"This house belongs to a friend of mine," Thomas informed, "I've known all along."

"So you could be the murder," Brain suggested.

Thomas scoffed, "Don't be ridiculous," he let out a light laugh, "If I was the murder, why would I reveal to you how I did it?"

Brain turned to look back at the others for a moment, then turned to the butler, "Well, who else knew about the secret passage?" he asked.

Princey immediately hit Heart in the stomach, much harder than he had intended to, "We found it!" he declared, "Colonel Heart and me."

"_You _found it," Heart corrected, "You could've known about it all the time," he argued.

"But I didn't," Princey shot back.

"Why should we believe you?" Anxious glared at him.

"Because he was with us all in the billiard room doorway while Remy was screaming," Thomas pointed out, "Don't you remember?"

"But what I don't understand is, why was the cook murdered?" Anxious quickly asked, "He had nothing to down with Joan."

"Of course he did," Thomas breathed, "I gathered you all here together because you were all implicated in Joan's dastardly blackmail," he reminded them, "Did none of you deduce that the others were involved, too?"

The tension in the room grew at the realization.

"What others?" Snake asked.

"Camden and Remy," Thomas informed.

"No," the group gaped.

"That's how they got all their information," Thomas explained, "Before they could blackmail anyone, Joan had to discover their guilty secret," he took a deep breath, "Camden and Remy were their accomplices."

"I see!" Heart chimed, "So, whoever knew that the cook was involved killed him?" he slowly asked, earning eye rolls from everyone else in the room.

"Yes," Thomas confirmed.

Heart smiled, placing his hands on his hips. He was noticeably proud of his discovery that was already given to him.

"I know, because I was Joan's butler," Thomas continued, "That Camden had worked for one of you."

"Who?" the guests asked in unison.

Thomas smiled, turning to face Snake, "You recognized Remy, didn't you?" he asked, suddenly shifting the topic, "Don't deny it."

"What do you mean, 'don't deny it?'" Snake glared at the help, "I'm not denying anything," he huffed, starting his walk out of the room.

"Another denial!"

Snake spun around to face Thomas, childishly bowing a raspberry, "Alright, it's true! I knew Remy," he grumbled, "My wife had an affair with him, but I didn't care, I wasn't jealous," he scoffed at the idea.

"You knew Remy, too, didn't you?" Thomas turned his focus to Princey.

"Yes. He worked for me," Princey replied simply.

"And, you also knew him, sir," Thomas eyed Heart smugly, "We've already established that you were one of Princey's clients," he took another deep breath, "That's why you were so desperate to get your hands on those negatives."

Heart felt his face flush, eyes widening at Thomas' declaration.

"Photographs of you and Remy in flagrante delicto, remember?"

"Joan threatened to send those pictures to my dear old mother," Heart explained, "The shock would've killed her."

"Oh," Snake frowned, "That would've been quite an achievement, since you told us that she's dead already," he let out a light laugh, "So, he had the motive."

"You all had a motive," Thomas countered.

"But where and when was Joan killed?" Heart asked.

"Don't you see?" Thomas grabbed a hold of Brain's shoulder, "Look," he squeezed passed the group, "We came back to the study, with Remy," he explained, "Joan was on the floor pretending to be dead," he tossed Brain face first onto the carpet.

Brain groaned at the impact.

"But one of us knows he's alive," Thomas pulled Brain up by the back of his shirt, causing the disgruntled man to let out an agitated grunt, "So, I explained that I was Joan's butler and I'd invited you here," he tossed Brain in the chair by the door of the study, who gave him a sharp glare, "And we realized there was only one other person in the house!"

"The cook!" everyone exclaimed, immediately rushing to the kitchen, seemingly unaware that Thomas had stayed behind.

+

As everyone filed into the kitchen, Brain jogged over to the meat locker, turning to face Thomas, only to realize he wasn't there, "Well, where is he?" he asked, a hint of irritation in his voice.

The freezer door creaked open, earning another loud scream from Princey, as Thomas fell into Brain's arms.

Brain blinked several times, staring down at the butler in his grasp. Surprisingly, he was lighter than expected. Either way, Brain tossed him on the ground as revenge for being thrown around earlier.

"By now he was dead," Thomas explained, still lying on the floor as he spoke to the guests, "We laid him down with our backs to the freezer," he got up from his spot on the floor, "One of us slipped through the same secret passage."

"Again," Anxious tiredly asked.

"Of course," Thomas declared, "Back to the study!"

+

Thomas ran up to the picture frame that was still opened, "The murderer was in the secret passage," he ran up to the group that was by the door, "Meanwhile, Joan had been on the floor," he hooked his leg behind Brain's, causing him to fall back on the floor once again, "He jumped up," Thomas pulled Brain up by the front of his shirt, staring at him for several seconds before pushing him back down on the ground.

Brain let out a grunt as he fell on the floor for what felt like the fifth time. He was definitely going to have bruises somewhere because of this.

Thomas rushed back to the painting, "The murderer came out of the secret panel, picked up the candlestick..." Thomas pretended to pick up said item, earning startled screams from everyone in the room, "Joan followed us out of the study, into the hall, looking for an escape," he chased Brain out into the hall, practically cornering the man.

Brain kept backing up, searching desperately for any where he could go that wouldn't result in him being tossed on the floor again.

"The murderer crept up behind him..." Thomas raised his hand, mimicking the motion that must have been done by the killer, "And killed him!" he hit Brain on the head, earning a sharp scream as the man dropped to the ground, managing to catch himself on the chair nearby.

Brain huffed, standing up and pulling off his glasses, glaring at Thomas, "Will you _stop _that?" he shouted in annoyance.

"No," Thomas replied, grabbing Brain by his shoulder and dragging him across the hall towards the bathroom, "Then, he threw them into the toilet!" he tossed Brain into the bathroom, earning another sharp scream as he shut the door behind him, turning to face the others, "And nonchalantly rejoined us beside the cook's body in the kitchen," he briefly gestured to said room, "It took less than half a minute," he glanced at his watch as he spoke.

Heart walked up beside the butler, "So, who wasn't there the entire time in the kitchen?" he asked.

"Whoever it was is the murderer!" Thomas quickly replied, rushing off to the study.

Brain stepped out of the bathroom, wiping off his hands he had just washed. He handed off the towel to Heart, running off to catch up with Thomas.

"And we put the weapons in the cupboard, locking it," Thomas opened and shut the cupboard, speaking at a rapid pace, "And ran to the front door!"

Everyone ran out of the room, to the front door.

"To throw away the key," Thomas continued on, opening the front door, "The motorist!" he declared, turning to look at the others, "I didn't throw the key away. I put it in my pocket," he mimicked the gesture, "And someone could've taken it out of my pocket and substituted another," he explained.

"We were all in a huddle," Demented chimed in, "Any one of us could've done that."

Thomas shut the front door, "Precisely."

"Wait a minute," Brain felt piece's connecting together in the back of his mind. He turned, approaching Heart, "Colonel Heart has a top-secret pentagon job," he turned to face Snake, "Snake's wife was a nuclear physicist, and..." he paused, rushing to the billiard room and stopping in the doorway, "Remy is a link between them," he gestured in the room.

"What is your top-secret job, Colonel?" Demented asked, walking up to Heart and eyeing him with mild curiosity.

"I can tell you," Thomas cut in before Heart had the chance to speak, approaching the two men, "He's working on the secret of the next fusion bomb."

Anxious and Princey let out surprised gasps.

"How did you know that?" Heart nervously asked.

Thomas leaned in slightly, "Can you keep a secret?"

Heart leaned forward as well, "Yes."

"So can I."

"Was this a plot between them, Thomas, or did Colonel Heart do it alone?" Anxious asked, a defeated tone in his voice.

"We shall see," Thomas replied, "But let's look at the other murders."

"Yes," Demented sighed, "Bad luck that motorist arrived at that moment."

"It wasn't luck," Thomas corrected, "I invited him."

"You did?" Anxious and Snake gaped.

"Of course, it's obvious," Thomas stated, "Everyone here tonight was either Joan's victim or accomplice," he explained, "Everyone who has died gave them vital information about one of you," he paused, as if to let the words sink into everyone's thoughts, "I got him here so he'd give evidence against them and force them to confess."

"Oh, yeah?" Princey leaned against the wall, "What about that motorist?" he asked, "What kind of information did he have?"

Heart sighed, "He was my driver during the war," he muttered sadly, sitting down in a chair.

"And what was he holding over you?" Thomas asked, despite knowing the answer.

"He knew that I was a war profiteer," Heart explained quietly, taking a shaky breath, "I stole essential Air Force radio parts and sold them on the black market. That is how I made all my money," he looked up at everyone, guilt written all over his face, "But that does not make me a murderer."

"Well, a lot of our airmen died because their radios didn't work," Anxious' tone was sincere.

Heart bowed his head, knowing deep down he had done something truly awful.

"Was the policemen working for Joan, too?" the younger of the group asked,gesturing to the library.

Princey shifted uncomfortably, "The cop was from Washington," he adjusted his leaning position on the wall, crossing his arms, "He was on my payroll."

Anxious gasped.

"I bribed him once a week so I could carry on with business," Princey explained, "Joan found out, somehow..."

"Oh my God," Anxious scoffed

Princey rolled his eyes, "Oh, please," he huffed.

"And the singing telegram girl?" Brain inquired.

+

Brain and Demented opened the door, staring down at the women's lifeless body.

"She was my patient, once," Demented's voice held a hint of sadness to it, "I..." he swallowed, his voice growing quiet, "I only wanted to help her... I _tried _to help her, but..." his voice trailed off at the memories flooding his brain, "I got too close... to familiar... that's how I lost my license," he explained, "Joan found that out, too..."

There was a moment of silence.

"Well..." Thomas began, clasping his hands together, "Let's put her in the study with the others."

+

Heart and Brain stared at each other, both giving a respective nod, before dropping the corpse on the ground.

"So..." Thomas continued, turning to face everyone while Brain and Heart followed him out of the study, "Now you all know why they died," he folded his hands behind his back, "Whoever killed Joan, also wanted their accomplices dead."

"How did the murderer know about them all?" Demented asked, "I mean, I admit that I had guessed that this young singer informed on me to Joan," he paused briefly, "But I didn't know anything about any of you until this evening," he gestured to Pricney, "Save for my brother, of course."

"First," Thomas interrupted, "The murderer needed to get the weapons," he stepped forward, "Easy. He stole the key from my pocket. And then we all followed Colonel Heart's suggestion that we split up and search the house," he reminded.

"That's right," Anxious interjected, "It was Colonel Heart's suggestion," he didn't mask the accusatory tone in his voice.

"And one of us got away from his partner and hurried to the study," Thomas was calmer this time, as he entered said room, approaching the desk in the back of the room, "On the desk was the envelope from Joan," he explained, "It contained photographs and letters, the evidence of Joan's network of informants."

"Where is the envelope now?" Snake questioned, approaching the desk.

"Gone," Thomas replied, "Destroyed," he walked over to the fireplace that was filled with ash, "Perhaps in the fire," he moved the guard, "The only possible place," he knelt down, digging around the ashes carefully.

After a few seconds, he let out a small, "Aha!" as he stood up, turning to show the other's a scrap of paper and film that still remained, "Then, having found out the whole story, the murderer went to the cupboard, unlocked it with the key, took out the wrench..." he mimicked the gesture.

Princey ran out the room eagerly, pointing to the lounge, "Then we found the secret passage from the conservatory to the lounge," he took a deep breath, speaking rapidly, just as Thomas had been doing minutes before, "Where we found the motorist dead!"

"That's right!" Thomas ran out after him, "And we couldn't get in," he slid to a halt, catching himself on the door, "So, Remy ran to the open cupboard," he gestured to the study, "Got the gun and shot the door open. Bang!" he mimicked the action, steadying himself for only a moment, "And then, the doorbell rang."

As if on cue, a shrill ring filled the house. Everyone froze. Anxious gasped, "Oh, whoever it is, they've got to go away or they'll be killed," he groaned in exasperation, moving past Thomas to the doorway. He swung it open, being greeted by a smiling man with a dark beard.

"Good evening," he greeted, "Have you ever given any thought to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

"What?" Anxious couldn't help but ask.

"Repent," he explained, holding out a pamphlet, "The Kingdom of Heaven is at hand

Princey leaned against the door of the lounge, "You ain't just whistling Dixie."

"Armageddon is almost upon us."

"I got news for you," Demented cut in, "It's already here."

"Go away," Anxious shoo'd the man off with his hand.

"But your souls are in danger!"

"Our lives are in danger, you beatnik!" Anxious snapped, to everyone's surprise, and slammed the door in his face.

Thomas continued on, as if nothing had happened, "The cop arrived next," he explained, walking over to the library, "We locked him in the library! We forgot the cupboard with the weapons was now unlocked, then we split up again!" he was back to talking at a rapid pace, running over to the cellar door, "And the murderer switched off the electricity!"

For the second time that night, the mansion was engulfed in darkness.

"Oh my God!" Brain muttered, accompanied by the screams of a few other guests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The moment of truth... who done it?
> 
> I hope everyone is excited for this final conclusion, because I sure am!
> 
> We're now one hour, eighteen minutes and fifty six seconds into the movie. Let's finish this off with a bang, guys, gals and non-binary pals!
> 
> Also, sorry this chapter is pretty short in comparison to the others! I hope you still enjoyed reading it!
> 
> Fun Fact: This is more so about the movie than anything else, but when Thomas turns off the lights, just as Wadsworth does in the actual movie, it's a sign of separation for each ending.


	6. T'was a Dastardly Duo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the second time that night, the mansion was engulfed in darkness.
> 
> "Oh my God!" Brain muttered, accompanied by the screams of a few other guests.

"Not again," Anxious grumbled in annoyance.

"Turn on the_ lights_!" Snake snapped.

The house was immediately lit back up as Thomas flipped the switch, "Sorry," Thomas replied simply, "Didn't mean to frighten you."

"You're a bit late for _that_!" Brain shouted, walking over to Snake, "I _hate_ it when he does that," he grumbled.

"Then there were three more murders," Thomas reminded them.

"So, which of us killed them?" Snake asked, voice cracking with desperation.

"None of us killed Joan or the cook," Thomas informed.

"So, who did?" Snake and Brain asked in unison, both equally frustrated with this seemingly never ending game of "who-done-it?".

"The one person who wasn't with us," Thomas explained.

Snake and Brain exchanged a look, mouths agape as if something had just clicked into their mind.

"Remy."

"_Remy_?" everyone echoed in unison, all in utter shock.

"He was in the billiard room, listening to our conversation," Thomas explained, "He heard the gunshot. He thought they were dead. And while we all examined the bullet hole, he crept into the study, picked up the dagger, ran to the kitchen, and stabbed Camden. We didn't hear him scream because we were all focused on Mr. Anxious and the poisoned brandy. Then, Remy returned to the billiard room. He screamed and we all ran to him."

"Well, when did he kill Joan?" Heart asked.

"When I said," Thomas replied, "We all ran to the kitchen to see the cook. Remy hid in the study to check that Joan was dead. They got up and followed us down the hall. So, he hit them on the head with the candlestick and dragged them to the toilet."

"Why?" Princey asked, shock in his voice.

"To create confusion," Thomas explained.

"It worked..." Anxious muttered, a few people nodding in agreement.

"Why did he do it?" Demented asked.

"Was it because he was acting under orders from the person who later killed him?" Thomas posed.

"Who?" Heart asked.

"Who?" Anxious echoed.

Princey glared at Thomas, arms crossed, "Who?"

"Was it one of his clients?" Thomas approached Heart, eyeing him suspiciously before walking over to Snake, "Or was it a jealous husband?" he turned to Demented, "Or an overly-friendly doctor?" he finally stopped at Princey, "No," he concluded, "It was his employer, Princey."

"_That's_ a lie!" Princey snapped defensively.

"Is it?" Thomas briefly turned to face the others, quickly putting his focus back on Princey, "You used him the way you always used him."

Princey scoffed at the statement.

"You killed the motorist when we split up to search the house," Thomas concluded.

"How could I have known about the secret passage?" Princey argued.

"Easy," Thomas replied, "Remy told you."

The tension in the room was thick.

"So, when we split up again, you switched off the electricity. It was easy for you here, on the ground floor. Then, in the dark, you got the lead pipe and the rope, strangled Remy, ran to the library, killed the cop, picked up the gun where Remy dropped it, opened the front door, recognized the singing telegram from her photograph, and shot her."

Princey had a smug look on his face, "You've no proof."

"The gun is missing," Thomas folded his hands behind his back, "Gentlemen, turn out your pockets. Whoever has the gun is the murderer."

To the surprise of everyone, especially after Thomas' explanation, Demented pulled out the gun from his pocket, pointing it at the other guests.

"Brilliantly worked out, Thomas," Princey grinned, "But there's one thing you didn't consider," he gestured to his twin brother, "I had help."

Everyone was in utter shock.

"You... how...?" Thomas couldn't help but ask.

"It's not so easy being in two places at once," Demented explained, "So, I took care of the lights and Valarie," he gave a small gesture to the study where her body was.

"Now, there's one thing I don't understand," Brain spoke up.

"One thing?" Heart muttered.

"Why did you do it?" Brain asked, "Half of Washington knows what kind of business you run. You were in no real danger," he gestured to Princey, "The whole town would be implicated if you were exposed," he noted.

"I don't think they know our real business," Princey hummed, letting out a light scoff.

"Our...?" Brain glanced between the two brothers.

"Our business is secrets," Demented explained, "And Remy found them out for us."

Princey approached Anxious, Demented keeping a tight hold on the revolver, "The secrets of Senator Anxious' Defense Committee," he grinned at the look in Anxious' eyes.

"Of Colonel Heart's fusion bomb," Demented turned his head to face said man.

"And the work of your wife," Princey sauntered over to Snake, "The nuclear physicist."

"So, it _is_ political," Brain spoke up, "Both of you are Communist!"

"No, Mr. Brain," Princey corrected, "Communism is just a red herring."

Demented smirked, holding the gun a little higher, "Like all members of the oldest profession, we're capitalists," he explained, "And we're going to sell our secrets..."

"Your secrets," Princey eyed the other guests.

"To the highest bidder," Demented finished.

"And what if we don't cooperate?" Heart shot a glare at the two brothers.

"You will, or we'll expose you," Princey's voice was quiet, but still held a menacing tone to it.

"We could expose you," Brain cut in, "Six murders?"

"Well, it's no good—" Heart paused his walk as Demented shifted the gun in his direction, "—blackmailing me, you two. I have no more money."

The other guests gave similar responses.

"Oh, trust me, sweetie pie," Princey hummed, turning his focus to Heart, "We're well aware of that," he grinned cheekily, "But you can pay us in government information, all of you."

Demented gestured between the group with the gun, quickly turning and walking over to the butler, "Except for you, Thomas," he noted, "You, as a mere butler, have no access to government secrets," he cocked the gun back, "So... I'm afraid your moment has come."

"Not so fast, Professor Demented," Thomas cut in, "I do have a secret or two."

"Oh yeah?" Princey spoke up, raising an eyebrow curiously, "Such as?"

"The game's up, Demented and Princey," he stated, "There are no more bullets left in that gun."

"Oh, come on," Demented rolled his eyes, "You don't think I'm going to fall for that old trick."

"It's not a trick," Thomas reassured, "There was one shot at Joan in the study, two for the chandelier, two at the lounge door, and one for the singing telegram."

"That's not six," Princey argued.

"One plus two, plus two, plus one," Thomas explained.

"Uh-uh," Demented briefly recalled the events leading up to this moment, "There was only _one_ shot that got the chandelier," he corrected, "That's one plus two, plus one, plus one."

"Even if you are right, that'll be one plus one, plus two, plus one," Thomas explained, "Not one plus two, plus one, plus one."

"Okay, fine..." Demented muttered, "One plus two, plus..." he shook his head, "Shut up!"

"The point is," Princey chimed in, "There's one bullet left in that gun and guess who's going to get it?" he offered a smug grin to Thomas.

The doorbell rang out through the house, distracting Demented and allowing Thomas to gain the upper hand, grabbing the older twin by his wrist and twisting his arm behind his back.

Brian ran over to the door once the gun was apprehended, and threw it open, allowing various police officers to file into the room. Everyone held up their hands as the officers assessed the situation.

"Where's the Chief?" Thomas asked, grip still tight on Demented's arm.

Kenny walked through the front door, earning a shocked look from Anxious, "Ah, Thomas, well done," he complimented, shooting a look at Demented, "I did warn the two of you," Kenny shifted his gaze between the brothers, "Mr. Hoover is an expert on Armageddon."

Demented spun around to Thomas, offering a shy smile, "Thomas, please don't hate me for trying to shoot you."

Thomas rolled his eyes, "Frankly, Demented, I don't give a damn," he held up the gun, "As I was trying to tell you both, there are no bullets left in this gun, you see," he fired the gun at one of the remaining chandeliers, only to find out, there was, in fact, another bullet in the gun.

The realization earned a scoff from the two brothers.

"One plus two..." Thomas quietly muttered

"Plus one..." Demented, Princey and Thomas all muttered in unison.

Heart was also quietly muttering to himself about the bullet count, unaware that the chandelier was about to fall from the ceiling, "Plus two... plus one... is..."

As the chandelier came crashing down, Heart jumped up, the item having fallen right behind him.


	7. An Anxious Ending

"In the dark, the murderer ran across the hall, to the study," Thomas rushed out the words, "Picked up the rope and the lead pipe," he ran to the billiard room door, "Ran to the billiard room," Thomas spun around, hands outstretched, "Strangled Remy," he wrapped his hands around Snake's throat just as Brain had ducked out of the way so he wouldn't be the punching bag for the umpteenth time that night.

Snake made false choking noises as he was slowly lowered to the ground.

"Ran to the library," Thomas turned, and, once again, Brain dodged out of the way so he wouldn't be the punching bag, "Hit the cop on the head with the lead pipe," Thomas pretended to hit Heart in the head, pushing him down onto the floor.

Princey watched the scene being acted out before him with an intense gaze.

"Then, coming out of the library, the doorbell rang," Thomas continued on, frantically, "It was the singing telegram. The murderer picked up the gun where Remy dropped it," he ran over to the door, where Anxious and Princey stood, "Ran to the door, opened it," he turned, pointing a finger gun at Princey, "Recognized the girl from her photograph, shot her, and then ran _back_ to the cellar," he took hold of Anxious' hand and dragged him over to the cellar.

"The cellar?" everyone questioned in unison.

"Yes," Thomas declared.

"But Colonel Heart wasn't in the cellar," Anxious stated bitterly, pulling his hand from Thomas' grasp.

"No..." Thomas looked at him, "But _you _were."

Anxious glared at Thomas, "So?"

"You murdered them," Thomas stated, "You were the person who was missing when the cook and Joan were murdered."

Snake and Heart stood up from the floor, staring at Anxious with noticeable surprise. Out of everyone who could have been the murderer, he was not one that they would have expected.

"And the cook used to be _your_ cook," he continued, "Don't you remember your fatal mistake?"

Anxious didn't respond, his face unreadable.

"You told us at dinner that we were eating one of your favorite recipes, and monkey's brain's, though popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often to be found in Washington, D.C."

"Is _that_ what we ate?" Brain gagged, steadying himself with Thomas' shoulder before shuffling to the bathroom.

"Why would I have murdered all the others?" Anxious lazily asked.

"Obviously in case Joan had told them about you," Thomas replied.

Demented stepped towards the pair, "So, it was all nothing to do with the disappearing nuclear physicist and Colonel Heart's work on the new fusion bomb?" he asked.

"No," Thomas laughed lightly, "Communism was just a red herring," he explained, "Mr. Anxious did it all."

"There's no proof," Anxious's voice held a hint of exhaustion to it.

"Well..." Thomas took a deep breath, "The gun is missing," he noted, "Gentlemen, turn out your pockets," he ordered, "Whoever has the gun is the murderer."

"Very well," Anxious muttered, taking out the revolver from his pocket and pointing it at Thomas.

Demented's eyes widened, taking a step back. A stunned silence filled the room. Again, out of everyone who could have _possibly_ committed all of these murders, Anxious was not someone any of them expected. In fact, half of them would have expected Demented or Thomas to be the killer, not this skittish mess of a man, who, has shown time and time again, how accident prone he could be.

"What do you propose to do about it?" Anxious asked, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

"Nothing," Thomas quickly replied.

"Nothing?" Anxious echoed, shaking his head.

"Nothing at all," Thomas repeated.

Behind them, Brain walked out of the bathroom, eyes wide at the sudden out come. He never would have guessed Anxious was the murderer this whole time.

"I don't approve of murder, but it seems to me you've done the world a public service by ridding it of an appalling blackmailer and their disgusting informers."

"But the police will be here any minute," Brain cut into the conversation, "What happens then?"

"Why should the police come?" Thomas turned to glance at Brain, "Nobody's called them."

Anxious blinked, "You mean...?"

Thomas nodded lightly, "That's right," he confirmed, "Now, I suggest that we stack the bodies in the cellar, lock it, leave quietly one at a time, and pretend that none of this has ever happened."

"Great idea," Anxious kept his hold on the gun tight, "I'll leave first," he started to make his way over to the front door, "If you don't mind," he shook the gun, warning the others to get out of his way.

"Be my guest," Thomas said, as the remaining guests huddled around him, "In fact, I think we all owe you a vote of thanks."

There was a moment of silence as Anxious turned to face everyone.

"For he's a jolly good fellow," Thomas began to sing as Anxious slowly backed away from the group, "For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow," the rest of the group slowly began to sing along, "Which nobody can deny, which nobody can deny, which nobody can deny," Brain couldn't help but snap along to the music, while Snake added on a separate melody to the piece, "For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly..."

Anxious slowly shut the door, leaving the other's to sigh in both relief and exhaustion as he finally left the room. Princey held his head in his hand, hoping to take a nap as soon as he got out of this house.

"I _told_ you I didn't do it," Brain stated.

"But what if the authorities find out what happened?" Heart asked Thomas.

"The FBI will take care of that," Thomas sauntered over to the staircase.

"You mean..." Heart trailed off.

"My phone call from Mr. Hoover?" Thomas leaned against the railing, "I work for him, of course," he explained, "How else could I have known everything about you all?"

"There's still one thing I don't understand," Heart announced.

Snake couldn't help but laugh, "_One_ thing?"

"Who was Mr. Anxious taking bribes from?" he asked, approaching the butler.

"A foreign power. His father, the senator, has influence over defense contracts," he explained.

"Is there going to be a cover-up?" Demented asked.

"Isn't that in the public interest?" Thomas inquired, "What could be gained by exposure?"

Demented shrugged, "But is the FBI in the habit of cleaning up after multiple murder?"

"Yes," Thomas nodded, "Why do you think it's run by a man called Hoover?"

Demented blinked at the statement.

+

Anxious shuffled over to his car, unlocking it and pulling the door open.

"Oh, Mr. Anxious?" a voice spoke up.

Anxious immediately looked up, finding the man who had been at the door earlier, "How did you know my name?" he asked, a sense of dread filling his stomach.

"The Kingdom of Heaven is at hand," Kenny pulled out a gun, aiming it at Anxious.

Various bright lights turned on, "Okay, take him away," a voice ordered as different officers revealed themselves from their hiding places, running up to Anxious and grabbing hold of him.

"Take your hands off me!" Anxious ordered, desperately trying to pull out of the men's grips, "I'm a senator's son!"

Thomas and the others exited the house just as different officers ran into the mansion.

"Thomas, we got him," Kenny offered his friend a small smile.

"You see, it's like the Mounties," Thomas turned to the guests, smiling, "We always get our man," he explained, "Would anyone care for fruit or dessert?" he asked politely.


	8. The Butler Did It

Thomas walked away from the electricity switch, "Sorry, didn't mean to frighten anyone," he reassured.

"You're a bit _late for that_!" Brain exclaimed, anger in his voice.

"Then there was three more murders," Thomas continued on, as if Brain hadn't spoken.

"So, _who did it_?" everyone asked.

"Let's consider each murder one by one," Thomas began, walking up to Demented, "Professor Demented, you knew that Joan was still alive," he stated, an air of confidence about him, "Even psychiatrists can tell the difference between patients who are alive or dead," he took a deep breath before continuing, "You fired the gun at them in the dark and _missed_."

The mentioned psychiatrist placed his hands on his hips, glaring at the butler as he spoke. Truth be told, he was only glaring to mask the dread filling his stomach.

"So, you pretended they were dead. That's how you were able to kill them later, unobserved."

"That's right!" Princey cut in, pointing to his brother, "_You_ were the missing person in the kitchen after we found the cook dead!"

"But he was with us in the billiard room when we found Remy screaming," Brain noted, "If that's when the cook was killed, how did he do it?"

"I didn't!" Demented snapped, desperation in his voice.

"You don't expect us to believe that, do you?" Anxious cut in, shooting the poorly dressed man an accusatory look.

Thomas turned to the younger man, folding his hands behind his back, "I expect you to believe it," he replied, "_You_ killed the cook," he explained, "Camden used to be your cook and he informed on you to Joan," he gestured to the dining room, "You made _one_ fatale mistake."

+

Thomas entered the dining room with the others by his side. He stood behind Anxious' seat at the table, "Sitting here at dinner," he took a seat in the chair, "Mr. Anxious told us that he was eating one of his favorite recipes," he reminded the group, "And monkey's brains, though popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often to be found in _Washington, D.C._," he stood from the table as he spoke, an intenseness in his gaze.

Anxious swallowed thickly at the statement, while the others did their best not to gag at the fact that they had eaten monkey brains for dinner.

+

Thomas opened the front door, turning to face Heart, who had ran up beside him, "Colonel Heart, when we saw the motorist at the front door, _you_ took the key to the weapons cupboard out of my pocket, then you suggested that we all split up. You separated from Princey, crossed the hall, opened the cupboard, took the wrench, ran to the conservatory, entered the lounge through the secret passage," Thomas ran across the hall to the lounge, "Killed the motorist with a blow on the head..." Thomas mimicked the gesture, "Like _that_!"

He ran back out, grabbing Snake by the hand and dragging him across the hall, to the stairs.

"This is incredible!" he exclaimed.

"Not so incredible as what happened next," Thomas ran up the stairs, dropping Snake's hand as he tripped, "After we all split up again, I went upstairs with you," he turned and gestured to Snake, who was picking himself up off the floor, "Yes, _you_, Snake," he continued on up the stairs, pausing once more to turn and look at the others, "And while I was in the master bedroom, you hurried downstairs, and turned off the electricity, got the rope from the open cupboard, and throttled Remy," he walked down the stairs to the billiard room, where Remy's body still remained draped over the pool table, "You were jealous that your wife was shtupping Remy," he declared, "_That's_ why you killed her, too!"

"Yes," Snake admitted, walking down the stairs, "Yes, I did it," he repeated, "I killed Remy," he huffed out, "I _hated _him... _so _much..." he spoke haltingly, "It... it... the.. flames, flames... flames... on the side of my face... breathing... breathing... heaving breaths. Heaving..."

"But while you were in the billiard room," Thomas cut in, wanting to get to the chase, "Princey seized the opportunity and under cover of darkness, crossed to the library, where he hit the cop, whom he'd been bribing, on the head with a lead pipe," he approached said guest, standing up straight in an attempt at intimidating the man, "True or false?"

A wide smirk spread across Princey's face, "True!" he replied gleefully, crossing his arms and leaning back against the wall, "Who are you, Perry Mason?"

"So it must've been Mr. Brain who shot the singing telegram," Demented spoke up, gesturing to said man.

Brain paled, "I didn't do it!" he argued.

"Well, there's nobody else left," Heart noted.

"But I _didn't do it_!" Brain stressed, "The gun is missing," he pointed out, the puzzle he had been crafting all night slowly pulling itself together. He knew exactly who shot her, "Whoever's got the gun shot the girl!"

Several glances were exchanged amongst the guests before the metallic click of a revolver being pulled out gained their attention, "I shot her," Thomas said.

"_You_?" everyone's eyes widened.

Princey quickly slid over to the rest of the guests, away from the butler, fear in his eyes.

"So, it _was_ you," Brain couldn't help but smirk, "I was going to expose you."

"I know," Thomas hummed, a crocodile smile on his face, "So, I choose to expose myself."

Heart gave him a disgusted look, "I don't think _anyone_ in this room would like to see that."

"Speak for yourself," Demented couldn't help but joke.

"You thought Joan was dead, but why?" Thomas asked the group, "None of you even met him until tonight," he pointed out.

Brain's eyes widen, the last puzzle piece falling right into place, all because Thomas used 'him' instead of 'them,' "_You're _Joan!"

Thomas couldn't help but chuckle, "In a way, yes, I am."

"Wait a minute!" Demented interrupted, running to the doorway of the study and pointing inside, "So, who did I kill?"

"My butler," Thomas replied.

Demented dropped his arms, "Oh, shucks..." he muttered, a defeated look in his eyes.

Thomas waved the revolver towards the others, signaling for Demented to rejoin the group, "They were expendable, like all of you," he explained, a smile in his voice, "I'm grateful to you all, for disposing of my network of spies and informers," he hummed, walking down the line of guests, "Saved me a lot of trouble," he chuckled, "Now there's no evidence against me."

"This all has nothing to do with my disappearing nuclear physicist wife or Colonel Heart's work with the new top-secret fusion bomb?" Snake asked, voice nearly quivering.

"No," Thomas chuckled once more, "Communism was just a red herring," he rolled the word off his tongue. He kept the gun pointed at everyone, walking over to the closet and pulling out his jacket.

"But the police will be here any minute," Brain pointed out, "You'll never get away with this," he shot a glare at Thomas and motioned to the group, "Any of you."

Thomas raised an eyebrow, "Why should the police come?" he asked, "Nobody's called them."

"You mean..." Anxious' eyes widened in realization, "Oh my god, of course!"

"So, why shouldn't we get away with it?" Thomas began, "We'll stack the bodies in the cellar, lock it, leave quietly, one at a time and forget that any of this ever happened."

Brain took of his glasses, "And you'll just... You'll just go on blackmailing us all," he tucked them in his jacket pocket.

"Of course," Thomas smiled, "Why not?"

"Well," Brain carefully grabbed the hilt of his gun, "I'll tell you why not!"

In one swift motion, Brain aimed his gun at a very shocked Thomas, and shot him, earning a sharp scream from the injured man, and from a very startled Princey. Thomas dropped his gun, falling against the wall, hand pressing against his wound, "Oh, good shot, Brain," he complimented breathlessly, sliding down the wall. He removed his hand from the wound, coated in blood, "A very good shot..."

Brain adjusted his hold on his gun once he was sure Thomas made no signs of movement. Snake practically ran up to him, causing Brain to quickly turn around and hold out his gun towards him.

"Are you a cop?" Snake asked.

"No, I'm a plant," Brain replied.

"A plant," Princey chuckled, "I thought they usually called your type a fruit," he teased.

"Very funny," Brain rolled his eyes at the joke, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his badge for the group to see, "FBI," he closed his badge and tucked it back into his pocket, "That phone call from J. Edgar Hoover was for me," he walked over to the door, turning to face the group, "I told you I didn't do it," he stated, opening the door and allowing the officers who were standing outside to file into the mansion.

Everyone held up their hands, their fear from earlier returning as they were held at gun point for the second time that night.

"Alright, who done it?" Kenny asked, turning to Brain.

Immediately, everyone started talking simultaneously, accusing each other of different things. All hoping they wouldn't be prosecuted.

"They _all_ did it!" Brain cut through their chatter, "But if you want to know who killed Thomas Sanders," he glanced at Kenny, "I did it, in the hall, with the revolver," he smiled smugly at the group, gaining a pat on the shoulder from Kenny, "Okay, Chief, take them away," he shoved his hands in his pockets, "I'm going to go home and sleep with my wife."

Princey nearly snorted at the statement. Out of _all_ the things that happened that night, the idea of Brain having a wife had to be one of the most ridiculous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy, what an adventure, eh, everyone?
> 
> Still can't believe we got to the end!
> 
> Anyhow, hope you enjoyed reading! Feel free to leave a comment and let me know your thoughts, or which ending you preferred. Personally, I'll always like this one, but that's just me.
> 
> Have a nice day/afternoon/night, guys, gals and non-binary pals! Peace out!

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think anyone's done this yet, so I took it upon myself to write a Clue AU for the Sides. Hope you enjoyed the first chapter!
> 
> Also, if you haven't, I'd recommenced checking out the movie if you're able! It's free with Amazon Prime, plus it may still be on DVD. It's not on Netflix, though, so that's a bummer.
> 
> Anyway's hope you enjoyed the first chapter, and feel free to leave a comment to let me know your thoughts!
> 
> We're only nineteen minutes into an hour and thirty-seven minute movie... Get ready for a wild ride, guys, gals and non-binary pals!
> 
> Fun Fact: While writing this, I realized the Dark and Light Sides were sitting on their respective sides of the table. Deceit, Remus and Virgil all sat on one side, while Patton, Roman and Logan were on the other. Honestly, I hadn't planned it that way, it was just a very perfect coincidence.


End file.
